Post by Kurtpikachu2001 on Jul 29, 2020 22:56:48 GMT
This is what I got so far. It isn't done yet. Going to post it here then when it is done, it's going to FICWAD, A03, and Fanfiction.net!
Family Guy and Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
The Road to Paradise
By: Trenton Sands
Opening Credits:
FAMILY GUY PRESENTS: THE ROAD TO PARADISE.
The Family Guy theme plays a jazzy remix of both the Family Guy theme song and the Paradise PD theme song. The credits show Brian, Stewie, and Chris dressed as policemen spoofing scenes from movies such as Dirty Harry, The French Connection, and Serpico. Some scenes show Meg getting chased by Gina Jabowski after trying to seduce Dusty Marlowe. Added some scenes with Brian partying with Bullet, as Stewie watches him looking rejected. Then it shows a scene where Randall pounds on his desk giving Brian, Stewie, and Chris orders. Then it credits end as it shows Brian, Stewie, and Chris being chased out of a building by a gorrilla with Robbie and Delbert in the background.
Scene 1:
Stewie was pacing around in his bedroom. As if he were waiting for something. Brian walks in looking all concerned. As does Chris.
Brian: Stewie, you've been pacing back and forth for over a half of an hour.
Chris: Yes, what's the matter, little dude?
Stewie: (pacing around): Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Chris: He seems to be waiting for something.
Brian: I know. What exactly, who knows?
Stewie (stops): I'm waiting for Lois and the Fatman to leave! They're taking forever!
Brian: Why do you want them go?
Stewie (shouted): I'll say it to you when they've finally left!
Downstairs, Lois was ready to go out somewhere and Peter was on the couch watching his laptop.
Lois: Peter, please. Let's get a move on! We're going to be late for my parent's brunch!
Peter: Does it have to be now!
Lois: Yeah it does. We don't want to be late. My parents hate it when people are late for their shindigs!
Peter: You go yourself! I wanna stay here!
Lois: What do you have to do that's so important?
Peter (putting his laptop on his lap): I want to watch Laurel and Hardy Meet Godzilla!
Lois (shocked): WHAT?! Laurel and Hardy never made a movie where they meet Godzilla! That sounds beyond all levels of insane!
Peter: Well, I knew that. In fact, I invented it! You'll be surprised at what Go Animate can do!
Lois yanks Peter's laptop away from him and drags him to the door.
Peter: Hey, what gives, Lois!
Lois: You make me so mad sometimes. Haven't made me this angry since you cloned yourself when you were in that Wild World Of Batwoman movie!
[Cutaway]
In the scene of Wild World of Batwoman, it shows Peter as Rat Fink. As Batwoman and all of the women crimefighters on her side were watching Peter clones himself in confusion.
Peter (appears out of nowhere): I'm over here! (disappears and reappears) Now I'm over here! (disappears and reappears) Or maybe I'm over there! hee hee hee hee hee! (disappears and reappears) I'm here! Now I'm there! Now I'm everywhere!
Batwoman: Get him girls!
Then the women who helped Ba2man chased all the Peter Cl1s and tried to beat them all up. As a song played that sounded like hippy honky tonk.
Peter (laughs): Now this is what I call a wild goose chase! They'll never find the real me!
[End of Cutaway]
Lois was dragging Peter out the door who was kicking and screaming. Stewie runs out of his bedroom to see if they had departed.
Stewie: Yes! Good! They're leaving.
Peter (whiny): But I don't wanna go to brunch.....
Lois: Watch your silly video later, asshole!
Peter and Lois drive away to her parent's brunch. Stewie runs back to his bedroom.
Brian: So did they leave?
Stewie: Yes they did!
Chris: What's this thing you want to tell us?
Stewie: I have some spendid news. I just opened my very own wallpaper hanger business!
Chris: Is that even a thing?
Brian: Chris is right, I don't think people hang wallpapers anymore.
Stewie: That's where you're wrong. I got a customer. Only 1 problem.
Chris: Where is this customer?
Stewie: In a town in the state of Georgia called Paradise.
Brian: This seems like it could be a very fun endevour, Stewie. We haven't had a Road To adventure in a while.
Stewie: It will be, Brian. So, how do we geto Georgia though?
Brian: That's easy. I heard Quagmire is flying a plane there. We'll stow away.
Chris: Oh boy! Hey can I come too!
Stewie: Sure you can! Let's all go!
Brian: Peter and Lois are at Carter's brunch so yes! Georgia on My Mind!
Meg enters.
Chris: Awww, my excitement vibes have g1 down several notches.
Meg: You guys planning a trip? I want to go too.
Brian: Yes, we're going to Paradise Georgia. You're more than welcome to come....
Stewie: Just walk behind us...... about say......50 feet away from us, though.
Chris: Come on people! What are we waiting for! Let's go to Georgia! Can't wait to eat those peaches!
Brian drives Stewie, Chris, and Meg to the Quahog Airport to sneak aboard Quagmire's flight that was headed to Georgia. Stewie was excited that his wallpaper hanger business was up and running.
Scene 2:
Stewie was able to sneak aboard the cargo hold of the plane. Meg however had to stay with hyenas. Who were trying to snap at her.
Meg: YYYYYYEEEEEEEKKKKKK!
Brian: Who's this person who in Paradise who wants you to hang wallpaper?
Stewie: He's a Police Chief named Randall Crawford.
Chris: That sounds like the name of a bread.
Stewie: Isn't this great, Brian. Sneaking away on a plane!
Brian: Don't really feel right doing this.......what if Quagmire finds out?
Stewie: No worries. He won't. Guess you can say we're 'Up In The Air'!
[Cutaway]
An airplane flies out of an airport as a movie trailer voice says, "Want to see George Clooney in a movie that will soon be forgotten? Then you want to see Up In The Air!"
George Clooney (watching out an airplane window looking devestated): Why did I agree to be in this piece of shit, movie!
Jason Reitman (scolding): Just be lucky you got this gig! It was either this The Hurt Locker, or 2012.
Geroge Clooney (sighs): Okay all right! You win.....
Jason Reitman: Thought you'd see it my way!
[End of Cutaway]
Quagmire (over speaker): We should be reaching our destination, Paradise Georgia in about 45 minutes.
Chris: Good thing I brought some Penthouse magazines for us to pass the time.
Brian: Cool, bring one here.
Stewie: I want to see.
Looking through the Penthouse Magazines, Stewie comes across a letter written by some1 called 'Captain Stabbin'!
Stewie: I found a fan letter from Captain Stabbin! Did you have anything to do with this, Brian?
Brian (taking the magazine away); Don't look at that letter! That was a different time! When I was young and immature! I am not that person anymore!
Chris: You mean, not that dog anymore! (snickers) Captain Stabbin.
Brian (taking all the magazines away): Know what? This was a bad idea to skim through these in the first place. Let's just focus on this wallpaper hanger business of yours, Stewie.
Stewie: Perhaps you're right. Until then let's enjoy the sights.
Scene 3:
The plane was making it's landing into Paradise Georgia. When it ended and every1 on board got off, Brian rented a car and drove around the town. Stewie, Chris, Meg, and Brian were far from impressed at the sights of the small city. Passing them by was the Paradise VHS place.
Stewie: A video rental place? You never see those anymore.
Chris: (looks all around): Wow! Take a look at that, that is the biggest Dippin' Dots building I've ever seen!
Meg: Hope there's at least a mall here! Oh, a Red Lobster!
Brian: We just need to find this police building.
Around them, Brian, Chris, Stewie, and Meg all see prostitutes, drug dealers, and murder surrounding them.
Other places in Paradise as well. Such as the Pentacoastal Church, 24 hour Copying, Banzai Butthole Cleaners, Buy the Book Bookstore, Panda Express, Paradise City Hall, Goopy Goopers, You Store it Some, and Possum Pizza.
Meg: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here.
Brian: Makes you wonder if these police are enabling crime rather than stopping it.
Stewie: If this is the only place that we can do business with my company.
Chris: This place is trashy. Like Santa Ana California that city from The Lost Boys.
Brian: Point taken, Chris. Haven't been this dismayed since we saw Peter and Lois drunkenly crash that horse race.
[Cutaway]:
Peter and Lois were riding on horses. Drunken five ways to Sunday.
Announcer: What in the fuck is this shit! It appears to be an alcoholic couple who think they're Roy Rogers and Dale Evans!
Peter and Lois (sing drunkenly): Happy Trails To You! Until We Meet Again! Happy Trails To You! (cracking up) Keep Smiling Until Then! Who cares about the clouds when we're together! Just sing a song to bring the sunny weather! Happy Trails To You! Until We Meet Again!
[End of Cutaway]
Stewie (looks at the screen): That wasn't very up to par! Even for a cutaway!
Brian has finally arrived at the Paradise PD Police Station. Inside Randall Crawford was giving a case for them to solve.
Randall: All right, listen up every1! There's a gorilla on the loose that is robbing banks! I need all of you to go out there and stop it!
Dusty: Gorilla? Do you want us to kill the gorilla? Like Harambe?
Randall: Yes you do need to kill this gorilla!
Kevin: But, Dad! Maybe the gorilla is under a bad influence!
Gina: Put me on the case! I'll be more than happy to kick it's ass into the depths of hell!
Stanley: Gorillas hey? Maybe it's Fitz! Could be he turned into 1 when he got away from us!
Randall: No. No. No. It's not that!
Bullet: I know! That's throw heroin at the gorilla! That'll stop it in it's tracks!
A knock is heard.
Randall: I'll get it.
Answering the door, it's Brian, Stewie, Chris, and Meg.
Randall: Oh it's you guys. The wallpaper hangers I hired.
Stewie: Yes it is us. Wallpaper hangers.
Brian: Where do you need the wallpaper hung?
Randall: You can start in the holding cell area. (looks at Meg): Hmmmm. Thought there was 3 of you. Why is there four?
Chris: Don't mind her. We had to take her along with us.
Brian: Yes we had no other choice.
Stewie: Trust us. She was here because of an inconvience!
Randall: You 3 are cool. (To Meg): But you, get the fuck outta here!
Meg runs away crying. Randall leads Chris, Brian, and Stewie to the holding cells. On the way there, Stewie look at Stanley.
Stewie: Let me guess. He's the Herbert of your show.
Randall: No he's bisexual.
Brian (sees Bullet): You guys have a talking dog here? Bet he'll be fun!
Randall: If you're into drugs you'll have a good time with him!
Chris (sees the Paradise PD officers): Do you guys have a black guy working for you?
Randall: We used to....but that's another story.
Stanley: A baby, hey? I had a love child once with the legendary Hal Roach!
Randall: You can get your work d1 right here, final stop! Holding cells!
Bullet (approaches Brian): When you're d1 with your work, I can show you a good time.
Brian (to Bullet and shakes his hand): It's a deal!
Randall: Less talk more work! Get to it!
Chris, Stewie, and Brian proceed to hang up wallpaper as Randall goes back to the conference room.
Scene 4:
Randall talks more about the Gorilla Bank Robbery Case. Hoping his officers will go out there to stop it.
Bullet: So, any takers! Anyone? Anyone? Going once....going twice....
Randall (points to Kevin): You go out there! You're the one who wants to be a cop so fucking bad!
Kevin: Ehhh, maybe I'll just go help Mom with her mayoral duties!
Randall: I hate you, Kevin! Useless son of a bitch! Stanley! Get your wrinkled ass out there and stop the gorilla.
Stanley: (snores loudly)
Randall: DAMMIT! Gina? Dusty?
One by One, the officers ditch Randall and Bullet.
Gina: I gotta go compete in a Karate Tournament!
Dusty: I need the day off too! It's Lobsterfest at Red Lobster!
Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all exit the conference room. Leaving Randall and Bullet behind.
Randall: What the hell! Why doesn't anyone want in on this case?
Bullet: Looks like it's just you and me, Randall.
Randall: This is the best case ever and everyone turns it down! (pounds fist): SSSHHHHIIIITTTTT!
Bullet: You know there is another option....
Randall: Oh really? What?
Bullet: Those wallpaper hangers....
Randall: You insane? They don't have any police experience!
Bullet: Yes, I know. But just suppose.....
In the holding cells, Stewie gives out the orders. Amoung them was a bunch of wallpaper hanger equipement and wallpaper they had brought along.
Stewie: Okay wallpaper hangers! This is my company and I call the shots!
Brian: We got everything here. Bucket of water, some wallpaper paste. The wallpaper itself.
Chris (laughs at the tube of wallpaper paste): This stuff is called Mod Podge! (laughs) Does that mean anything dirty? It could be a new swear word! (cracks up)
Stewie (slaps away the tube): Enough now! Stop joking around and get to work!
Scene 5:
Chris, Brian, and Stewie were hanging up the wallpaper in the holding cells. Blur's There's No Other Way was playing thoughout. Chris and Brian hang some wallpaper and looked to Stewie for approval. Stewie shakes his head, "NO." Chris and Brian try again, hang the wallpaper around the celldoor. Stewie gives them both the stink eye. Chris and Brian then try to hang the wallpaper in a way where Stewie will approve. Chris and Brian try to put the wallpaper up vertically. Stewie jumps up and down and screams. Chris and Brian put 5 strips of wallpaper. Then they see that Stewie was nowhere to be seen. Chris points at a huge lump in the wallpaper that turns out to be Stewie. Freeing Stewie from the wallpaper, Stewie punches and kicks both Brian and Chris. Stewie then gives it a shot so he puts some wallpaper up himself. Looking proud at the job he did, the wallpaper falls on Stewie then he takes a stumble backwards and falls into a hole.
Brian: Oh no! Stewie! We gotta find him.
Chris: Where is he?
Stewie: Down here you assholes!
Brian and Chris take notice of the hole and see Stewie was in a room below.
Stewie: Come here!
Brian and Chris: Which one of us?
Stewie: BOTH OF YOU!
Chris and Brian jump down the hole to face Stewie's wrath.
Brian: Okay we're here. Now what?
Stewie: Can't you guys do anything right? How hard could it be to put up wallpaper!
Brian, Chris, and Stewie then have a huge verbal arguement that made a lot of commotion. Stewie then starts hitting and slapping Chris and Brian.
Stewie: What the fuck is wrong with you two! Don't you know I have a reputation to uphold! What are people going to think about my wallpaper hanging business if I have 2 incompetant workers helping me.
Chris: We'll do better next time. We promise.
Brian: Wow! Stewie's temper is astounding. Almost as stupifying as Charlie Sheen's Political Ad!
[Cutaway]
The scene changes into the Oval office. Charlie Sheen is sitting in the President's seat. A bunch of kids were sitting on around him.
Charlie Sheen: You see kids. When you take Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA. Mix them together. You just get this wonderful feeling of Duh Winning that just makes you feel so good!
Shows close ups of the kids.
Chrous: Feeling good about that Tiger Blood! And that good old fashioned Adonis DNA, and Duh Winning! I'm feeling good about Sheen!
Voiceover: Charlie Sheen! Don't vote for him! He's all fucked up!
[End Cutaway]
Randall hears Chris, Brian, and Stewie fighting. Bullet rushes into the holding cells.
Bullet: Hey! What the fuck is all that noise.
Stewie (points to Brian and Chris): They were doing a half assed job.
Brian: Yeah, well you started it by acting like a son of bitch.
Chris: If you're going to arrest one of us. Arrest Stewie! I saw the money right in his hand!
Bullet (laughs): Relax! You're not under arrest. Randall Crawford wishes to see you.
Brian, Stewie, and Chris follow Bullet to meet with Randall in his police conference room.
Randall: Did you guys do a good job with the wallpaper.
Brian, Chris, and Stewie all agree to lie.
Chris: You won't believe your eyes when you see it.
Randall: Good! The reason I called you all here is because all my officers quit on me.
Stewie: I know how you feel. You can't hire any good work these days.
Randall: Glad we're on the same page. There is a gorilla on the loose! He's called the Ape Man! Now what I want you 3 to do is to do some police work for me.
Brian: You want us to catch that Ape Man?
Bullet puts walnuts on Randall's desk.
Randall: Yes you 3 will do it! You've all got to catch that Ape Man! If you don't, I'll have you.....(crushes the nuts with his fist) banned from Paradise forever!
Chris, Stewie, and Brian: Don't worry! We'll catch the Ape Man!
Randall: Good! Now get your asses out there, and bring the Ape Man to me! We can't have an Ape Man running around robbing banks because something (crushes more nuts with his fists) has got to be done.
Bullet (leaves with Randall): We expect to see results. Report back to us when you captured him.
Stewie: Wow. We just got thrown into police work.
Brian: Well, we don't want to let them down.
Chris: What about our wallpaper hanging? (eating the shells then drinking water)
Stewie: We'll have to let that go. For now.
Brian: Let's go thoughtall the banks in this town. And see if anyone here knows about this infamous Ape Man. A phone call rings. Stewie answers it.
Stewie: Hello? The Ape Man is where? A store? We'll be right there!
Brian: We got our first lead!
Stewie, Brian, and Chris all leave the Paradise PD Police Precient to go into their rented car to search for the Ape Man.
Scene 6:
Meg was walking all over the town of Paradise. Alone. She didn't know what to do.
Hobo Cop: Hey, girl! You want to take a Holy Shit with me? (holds a Bible in front of her)
Meg: No thanks. (walks away from Hobo Cop) *GROANS* I hate it here! I wanna back to Quahog! What is there to do here? Why did I even agree to come!
As luck would have it, Meg sees Dusty inside the Red Lobster pigging out on seafood.
Meg: Poor guy. He looks so lonely. Just like how that construction worker action figure called Fire Easy Man must've felt when Stewie threw it in the river!
[Cutaway]
A construction worker figurine was sinking deep into the water.
Fire Easy Man (singing): My name is Fire Easy Man! I work so hard everyday! BUT! A naughty little baby! Threw me into the water at Quahog Pier! Now I'm swimming everyday! *gulp* *gulp* *gulp* *gulp*
{End Cutaway]
Meg enters the Red Lobster to join Dusty. A host tries to stop her.
Host: Excuse me. Do you have a reservation?
Meg: Yes, I'm joining that man over there. (points to Dusty)
Host: OKay you're good.
Meg joins Dusty at his table.
Dusty: Uhhhh, hello? Never seen you before.
Meg (seductively): Hi, handsome! Where have you been all my life.
Dusty then has a thought bubble come to his mind. Gina appears in the thought bubble.
Gina: Dusty! If you're in any kind of trouble, let me know.
Although Dusty knew Gina wanted him to sexual purposes to feed in on her fat fetish. Gina was also a reliable friend for whenever Dusty needed her.
Meg: Wow! You're so quiet! You don't talk much, do you?
Dusty: Oops! I'm sorry! Where are my manners! I'm Dusty Marlowe. And you are....
Meg: Meg Griffin.
Dusty: Sorry I'm not good with meeting new people.
Because he never meet her before. Dusty knew not to trust Meg. So he downplayed himself for her benefit. Meg and Dusty hit it off. Meanwhile, Brian, Stewie, and Chris were driving to their first lead. A grocery store. Running inside the store, Brian, Stewie, and Chris see both the customers and the employees paralyzed with fear.
Brian: Uhhh, hello.
Silence.
Stewie: Can any of you help us?
Cold dead silence.....
Chris: Do any of you know about an Ape Man?
It went from silence to panicked screams.
Brian: Wow! These poor people must be scared shitless of that Ape Man.
Chris: Just a mere mention of the Ape Man sent every1 into a frenzy.
Stewie: You're telling me. I haven't felt this disturbed when Brian showed me that Little Debbie commercial on Youtube.
[Cutaway]:
In the living room, Brain walks in with a laptop. Stewie was sitting on the couch.
Brian (laughs); Hey Stewie? Want to see an unsual Little Debbie commercial?
Stewie: Okay, sure. Play it! I'm in the mood for a laugh!
Brian plays the commercial on his laptop. The song on the commercial plays to the tune of the I Love You Too song while showing an assortment of scenes with villains rescuing their henchmen. First it shown Lex Luthor saving his secretary Mercy Graves from being tied to a sawblade. The song plays, "Villains rescuing their helpers!" The second scene shows The Joker unlocking the Penguin who was stuck in a cage. The song continues, "From being captured by the heroes." The third scene shows Shredder saving Bebop and Rocksteady from hanging off a cliff. The song continues, "Getting their asses kicked!" The final scene shows Baron Greenback saving Stilleto Mafiosa who was strapped to a bed. Brian and Stewie look at the commercial in disbelief as they slowly turn and look at each other not knowing what to think. The commercial ends with the song singing, "And I Love You Too!" Then shows Lex Luthor and Mercy Graves eating Zebra Cakes. Looking so lovingly at each other. While the Joker and Penguin eat Oatmeal Creme Pies giving each other friendly smiles, Shredder and Bebop and Rocksteady eating Cosmic Brownies putting his arms around their shoulders, and Baron Greenback and Stilleto Mafiosa eating Swiss Rolls while hugging.
The Voiceover at the end says, "LITTLE DEBBIE! BECAUSE VILLAINS REALLY DO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT THEIR COHORTS!"
Brian and Stewie were frozen in shock over the commercial that they had seen.
Stewie: Hmmm. Okay. Well........that was different!
[End Cutaway]
Stewie: You shouldn't have to fear anymore. We're policeman!
Chris: Yes, and we're doing an assignment for the Paradise PD!
Brian: So, please! Help us help you. If any of you know anything about the Ape Man, now is the time to say something.
Finally, one of the employees opens up to Brian, Stewie, and Chris.
Employee: Last time I saw that Ape Man, he ran into the basement!
Stewie (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Brian (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Chris (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Scene 7:
Brian, Stewie, and Chris all rushed down to the basement of the grocery store.
Chris: Hmmmm. If I were a gorilla, where would I hide? The banana section, maybe?
Stewie:
That was a shitty half assed way to tell a joke.
None of them knew it yet, the Ape Man was right behind them!
Family Guy and Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
The Road to Paradise
By: Trenton Sands
Opening Credits:
FAMILY GUY PRESENTS: THE ROAD TO PARADISE.
The Family Guy theme plays a jazzy remix of both the Family Guy theme song and the Paradise PD theme song. The credits show Brian, Stewie, and Chris dressed as policemen spoofing scenes from movies such as Dirty Harry, The French Connection, and Serpico. Some scenes show Meg getting chased by Gina Jabowski after trying to seduce Dusty Marlowe. Added some scenes with Brian partying with Bullet, as Stewie watches him looking rejected. Then it shows a scene where Randall pounds on his desk giving Brian, Stewie, and Chris orders. Then it credits end as it shows Brian, Stewie, and Chris being chased out of a building by a gorrilla with Robbie and Delbert in the background.
Scene 1:
Stewie was pacing around in his bedroom. As if he were waiting for something. Brian walks in looking all concerned. As does Chris.
Brian: Stewie, you've been pacing back and forth for over a half of an hour.
Chris: Yes, what's the matter, little dude?
Stewie: (pacing around): Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
Chris: He seems to be waiting for something.
Brian: I know. What exactly, who knows?
Stewie (stops): I'm waiting for Lois and the Fatman to leave! They're taking forever!
Brian: Why do you want them go?
Stewie (shouted): I'll say it to you when they've finally left!
Downstairs, Lois was ready to go out somewhere and Peter was on the couch watching his laptop.
Lois: Peter, please. Let's get a move on! We're going to be late for my parent's brunch!
Peter: Does it have to be now!
Lois: Yeah it does. We don't want to be late. My parents hate it when people are late for their shindigs!
Peter: You go yourself! I wanna stay here!
Lois: What do you have to do that's so important?
Peter (putting his laptop on his lap): I want to watch Laurel and Hardy Meet Godzilla!
Lois (shocked): WHAT?! Laurel and Hardy never made a movie where they meet Godzilla! That sounds beyond all levels of insane!
Peter: Well, I knew that. In fact, I invented it! You'll be surprised at what Go Animate can do!
Lois yanks Peter's laptop away from him and drags him to the door.
Peter: Hey, what gives, Lois!
Lois: You make me so mad sometimes. Haven't made me this angry since you cloned yourself when you were in that Wild World Of Batwoman movie!
[Cutaway]
In the scene of Wild World of Batwoman, it shows Peter as Rat Fink. As Batwoman and all of the women crimefighters on her side were watching Peter clones himself in confusion.
Peter (appears out of nowhere): I'm over here! (disappears and reappears) Now I'm over here! (disappears and reappears) Or maybe I'm over there! hee hee hee hee hee! (disappears and reappears) I'm here! Now I'm there! Now I'm everywhere!
Batwoman: Get him girls!
Then the women who helped Ba2man chased all the Peter Cl1s and tried to beat them all up. As a song played that sounded like hippy honky tonk.
Peter (laughs): Now this is what I call a wild goose chase! They'll never find the real me!
[End of Cutaway]
Lois was dragging Peter out the door who was kicking and screaming. Stewie runs out of his bedroom to see if they had departed.
Stewie: Yes! Good! They're leaving.
Peter (whiny): But I don't wanna go to brunch.....
Lois: Watch your silly video later, asshole!
Peter and Lois drive away to her parent's brunch. Stewie runs back to his bedroom.
Brian: So did they leave?
Stewie: Yes they did!
Chris: What's this thing you want to tell us?
Stewie: I have some spendid news. I just opened my very own wallpaper hanger business!
Chris: Is that even a thing?
Brian: Chris is right, I don't think people hang wallpapers anymore.
Stewie: That's where you're wrong. I got a customer. Only 1 problem.
Chris: Where is this customer?
Stewie: In a town in the state of Georgia called Paradise.
Brian: This seems like it could be a very fun endevour, Stewie. We haven't had a Road To adventure in a while.
Stewie: It will be, Brian. So, how do we geto Georgia though?
Brian: That's easy. I heard Quagmire is flying a plane there. We'll stow away.
Chris: Oh boy! Hey can I come too!
Stewie: Sure you can! Let's all go!
Brian: Peter and Lois are at Carter's brunch so yes! Georgia on My Mind!
Meg enters.
Chris: Awww, my excitement vibes have g1 down several notches.
Meg: You guys planning a trip? I want to go too.
Brian: Yes, we're going to Paradise Georgia. You're more than welcome to come....
Stewie: Just walk behind us...... about say......50 feet away from us, though.
Chris: Come on people! What are we waiting for! Let's go to Georgia! Can't wait to eat those peaches!
Brian drives Stewie, Chris, and Meg to the Quahog Airport to sneak aboard Quagmire's flight that was headed to Georgia. Stewie was excited that his wallpaper hanger business was up and running.
Scene 2:
Stewie was able to sneak aboard the cargo hold of the plane. Meg however had to stay with hyenas. Who were trying to snap at her.
Meg: YYYYYYEEEEEEEKKKKKK!
Brian: Who's this person who in Paradise who wants you to hang wallpaper?
Stewie: He's a Police Chief named Randall Crawford.
Chris: That sounds like the name of a bread.
Stewie: Isn't this great, Brian. Sneaking away on a plane!
Brian: Don't really feel right doing this.......what if Quagmire finds out?
Stewie: No worries. He won't. Guess you can say we're 'Up In The Air'!
[Cutaway]
An airplane flies out of an airport as a movie trailer voice says, "Want to see George Clooney in a movie that will soon be forgotten? Then you want to see Up In The Air!"
George Clooney (watching out an airplane window looking devestated): Why did I agree to be in this piece of shit, movie!
Jason Reitman (scolding): Just be lucky you got this gig! It was either this The Hurt Locker, or 2012.
Geroge Clooney (sighs): Okay all right! You win.....
Jason Reitman: Thought you'd see it my way!
[End of Cutaway]
Quagmire (over speaker): We should be reaching our destination, Paradise Georgia in about 45 minutes.
Chris: Good thing I brought some Penthouse magazines for us to pass the time.
Brian: Cool, bring one here.
Stewie: I want to see.
Looking through the Penthouse Magazines, Stewie comes across a letter written by some1 called 'Captain Stabbin'!
Stewie: I found a fan letter from Captain Stabbin! Did you have anything to do with this, Brian?
Brian (taking the magazine away); Don't look at that letter! That was a different time! When I was young and immature! I am not that person anymore!
Chris: You mean, not that dog anymore! (snickers) Captain Stabbin.
Brian (taking all the magazines away): Know what? This was a bad idea to skim through these in the first place. Let's just focus on this wallpaper hanger business of yours, Stewie.
Stewie: Perhaps you're right. Until then let's enjoy the sights.
Scene 3:
The plane was making it's landing into Paradise Georgia. When it ended and every1 on board got off, Brian rented a car and drove around the town. Stewie, Chris, Meg, and Brian were far from impressed at the sights of the small city. Passing them by was the Paradise VHS place.
Stewie: A video rental place? You never see those anymore.
Chris: (looks all around): Wow! Take a look at that, that is the biggest Dippin' Dots building I've ever seen!
Meg: Hope there's at least a mall here! Oh, a Red Lobster!
Brian: We just need to find this police building.
Around them, Brian, Chris, Stewie, and Meg all see prostitutes, drug dealers, and murder surrounding them.
Other places in Paradise as well. Such as the Pentacoastal Church, 24 hour Copying, Banzai Butthole Cleaners, Buy the Book Bookstore, Panda Express, Paradise City Hall, Goopy Goopers, You Store it Some, and Possum Pizza.
Meg: Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here.
Brian: Makes you wonder if these police are enabling crime rather than stopping it.
Stewie: If this is the only place that we can do business with my company.
Chris: This place is trashy. Like Santa Ana California that city from The Lost Boys.
Brian: Point taken, Chris. Haven't been this dismayed since we saw Peter and Lois drunkenly crash that horse race.
[Cutaway]:
Peter and Lois were riding on horses. Drunken five ways to Sunday.
Announcer: What in the fuck is this shit! It appears to be an alcoholic couple who think they're Roy Rogers and Dale Evans!
Peter and Lois (sing drunkenly): Happy Trails To You! Until We Meet Again! Happy Trails To You! (cracking up) Keep Smiling Until Then! Who cares about the clouds when we're together! Just sing a song to bring the sunny weather! Happy Trails To You! Until We Meet Again!
[End of Cutaway]
Stewie (looks at the screen): That wasn't very up to par! Even for a cutaway!
Brian has finally arrived at the Paradise PD Police Station. Inside Randall Crawford was giving a case for them to solve.
Randall: All right, listen up every1! There's a gorilla on the loose that is robbing banks! I need all of you to go out there and stop it!
Dusty: Gorilla? Do you want us to kill the gorilla? Like Harambe?
Randall: Yes you do need to kill this gorilla!
Kevin: But, Dad! Maybe the gorilla is under a bad influence!
Gina: Put me on the case! I'll be more than happy to kick it's ass into the depths of hell!
Stanley: Gorillas hey? Maybe it's Fitz! Could be he turned into 1 when he got away from us!
Randall: No. No. No. It's not that!
Bullet: I know! That's throw heroin at the gorilla! That'll stop it in it's tracks!
A knock is heard.
Randall: I'll get it.
Answering the door, it's Brian, Stewie, Chris, and Meg.
Randall: Oh it's you guys. The wallpaper hangers I hired.
Stewie: Yes it is us. Wallpaper hangers.
Brian: Where do you need the wallpaper hung?
Randall: You can start in the holding cell area. (looks at Meg): Hmmmm. Thought there was 3 of you. Why is there four?
Chris: Don't mind her. We had to take her along with us.
Brian: Yes we had no other choice.
Stewie: Trust us. She was here because of an inconvience!
Randall: You 3 are cool. (To Meg): But you, get the fuck outta here!
Meg runs away crying. Randall leads Chris, Brian, and Stewie to the holding cells. On the way there, Stewie look at Stanley.
Stewie: Let me guess. He's the Herbert of your show.
Randall: No he's bisexual.
Brian (sees Bullet): You guys have a talking dog here? Bet he'll be fun!
Randall: If you're into drugs you'll have a good time with him!
Chris (sees the Paradise PD officers): Do you guys have a black guy working for you?
Randall: We used to....but that's another story.
Stanley: A baby, hey? I had a love child once with the legendary Hal Roach!
Randall: You can get your work d1 right here, final stop! Holding cells!
Bullet (approaches Brian): When you're d1 with your work, I can show you a good time.
Brian (to Bullet and shakes his hand): It's a deal!
Randall: Less talk more work! Get to it!
Chris, Stewie, and Brian proceed to hang up wallpaper as Randall goes back to the conference room.
Scene 4:
Randall talks more about the Gorilla Bank Robbery Case. Hoping his officers will go out there to stop it.
Bullet: So, any takers! Anyone? Anyone? Going once....going twice....
Randall (points to Kevin): You go out there! You're the one who wants to be a cop so fucking bad!
Kevin: Ehhh, maybe I'll just go help Mom with her mayoral duties!
Randall: I hate you, Kevin! Useless son of a bitch! Stanley! Get your wrinkled ass out there and stop the gorilla.
Stanley: (snores loudly)
Randall: DAMMIT! Gina? Dusty?
One by One, the officers ditch Randall and Bullet.
Gina: I gotta go compete in a Karate Tournament!
Dusty: I need the day off too! It's Lobsterfest at Red Lobster!
Kevin, Gina, and Dusty all exit the conference room. Leaving Randall and Bullet behind.
Randall: What the hell! Why doesn't anyone want in on this case?
Bullet: Looks like it's just you and me, Randall.
Randall: This is the best case ever and everyone turns it down! (pounds fist): SSSHHHHIIIITTTTT!
Bullet: You know there is another option....
Randall: Oh really? What?
Bullet: Those wallpaper hangers....
Randall: You insane? They don't have any police experience!
Bullet: Yes, I know. But just suppose.....
In the holding cells, Stewie gives out the orders. Amoung them was a bunch of wallpaper hanger equipement and wallpaper they had brought along.
Stewie: Okay wallpaper hangers! This is my company and I call the shots!
Brian: We got everything here. Bucket of water, some wallpaper paste. The wallpaper itself.
Chris (laughs at the tube of wallpaper paste): This stuff is called Mod Podge! (laughs) Does that mean anything dirty? It could be a new swear word! (cracks up)
Stewie (slaps away the tube): Enough now! Stop joking around and get to work!
Scene 5:
Chris, Brian, and Stewie were hanging up the wallpaper in the holding cells. Blur's There's No Other Way was playing thoughout. Chris and Brian hang some wallpaper and looked to Stewie for approval. Stewie shakes his head, "NO." Chris and Brian try again, hang the wallpaper around the celldoor. Stewie gives them both the stink eye. Chris and Brian then try to hang the wallpaper in a way where Stewie will approve. Chris and Brian try to put the wallpaper up vertically. Stewie jumps up and down and screams. Chris and Brian put 5 strips of wallpaper. Then they see that Stewie was nowhere to be seen. Chris points at a huge lump in the wallpaper that turns out to be Stewie. Freeing Stewie from the wallpaper, Stewie punches and kicks both Brian and Chris. Stewie then gives it a shot so he puts some wallpaper up himself. Looking proud at the job he did, the wallpaper falls on Stewie then he takes a stumble backwards and falls into a hole.
Brian: Oh no! Stewie! We gotta find him.
Chris: Where is he?
Stewie: Down here you assholes!
Brian and Chris take notice of the hole and see Stewie was in a room below.
Stewie: Come here!
Brian and Chris: Which one of us?
Stewie: BOTH OF YOU!
Chris and Brian jump down the hole to face Stewie's wrath.
Brian: Okay we're here. Now what?
Stewie: Can't you guys do anything right? How hard could it be to put up wallpaper!
Brian, Chris, and Stewie then have a huge verbal arguement that made a lot of commotion. Stewie then starts hitting and slapping Chris and Brian.
Stewie: What the fuck is wrong with you two! Don't you know I have a reputation to uphold! What are people going to think about my wallpaper hanging business if I have 2 incompetant workers helping me.
Chris: We'll do better next time. We promise.
Brian: Wow! Stewie's temper is astounding. Almost as stupifying as Charlie Sheen's Political Ad!
[Cutaway]
The scene changes into the Oval office. Charlie Sheen is sitting in the President's seat. A bunch of kids were sitting on around him.
Charlie Sheen: You see kids. When you take Tiger Blood and Adonis DNA. Mix them together. You just get this wonderful feeling of Duh Winning that just makes you feel so good!
Shows close ups of the kids.
Chrous: Feeling good about that Tiger Blood! And that good old fashioned Adonis DNA, and Duh Winning! I'm feeling good about Sheen!
Voiceover: Charlie Sheen! Don't vote for him! He's all fucked up!
[End Cutaway]
Randall hears Chris, Brian, and Stewie fighting. Bullet rushes into the holding cells.
Bullet: Hey! What the fuck is all that noise.
Stewie (points to Brian and Chris): They were doing a half assed job.
Brian: Yeah, well you started it by acting like a son of bitch.
Chris: If you're going to arrest one of us. Arrest Stewie! I saw the money right in his hand!
Bullet (laughs): Relax! You're not under arrest. Randall Crawford wishes to see you.
Brian, Stewie, and Chris follow Bullet to meet with Randall in his police conference room.
Randall: Did you guys do a good job with the wallpaper.
Brian, Chris, and Stewie all agree to lie.
Chris: You won't believe your eyes when you see it.
Randall: Good! The reason I called you all here is because all my officers quit on me.
Stewie: I know how you feel. You can't hire any good work these days.
Randall: Glad we're on the same page. There is a gorilla on the loose! He's called the Ape Man! Now what I want you 3 to do is to do some police work for me.
Brian: You want us to catch that Ape Man?
Bullet puts walnuts on Randall's desk.
Randall: Yes you 3 will do it! You've all got to catch that Ape Man! If you don't, I'll have you.....(crushes the nuts with his fist) banned from Paradise forever!
Chris, Stewie, and Brian: Don't worry! We'll catch the Ape Man!
Randall: Good! Now get your asses out there, and bring the Ape Man to me! We can't have an Ape Man running around robbing banks because something (crushes more nuts with his fists) has got to be done.
Bullet (leaves with Randall): We expect to see results. Report back to us when you captured him.
Stewie: Wow. We just got thrown into police work.
Brian: Well, we don't want to let them down.
Chris: What about our wallpaper hanging? (eating the shells then drinking water)
Stewie: We'll have to let that go. For now.
Brian: Let's go thoughtall the banks in this town. And see if anyone here knows about this infamous Ape Man. A phone call rings. Stewie answers it.
Stewie: Hello? The Ape Man is where? A store? We'll be right there!
Brian: We got our first lead!
Stewie, Brian, and Chris all leave the Paradise PD Police Precient to go into their rented car to search for the Ape Man.
Scene 6:
Meg was walking all over the town of Paradise. Alone. She didn't know what to do.
Hobo Cop: Hey, girl! You want to take a Holy Shit with me? (holds a Bible in front of her)
Meg: No thanks. (walks away from Hobo Cop) *GROANS* I hate it here! I wanna back to Quahog! What is there to do here? Why did I even agree to come!
As luck would have it, Meg sees Dusty inside the Red Lobster pigging out on seafood.
Meg: Poor guy. He looks so lonely. Just like how that construction worker action figure called Fire Easy Man must've felt when Stewie threw it in the river!
[Cutaway]
A construction worker figurine was sinking deep into the water.
Fire Easy Man (singing): My name is Fire Easy Man! I work so hard everyday! BUT! A naughty little baby! Threw me into the water at Quahog Pier! Now I'm swimming everyday! *gulp* *gulp* *gulp* *gulp*
{End Cutaway]
Meg enters the Red Lobster to join Dusty. A host tries to stop her.
Host: Excuse me. Do you have a reservation?
Meg: Yes, I'm joining that man over there. (points to Dusty)
Host: OKay you're good.
Meg joins Dusty at his table.
Dusty: Uhhhh, hello? Never seen you before.
Meg (seductively): Hi, handsome! Where have you been all my life.
Dusty then has a thought bubble come to his mind. Gina appears in the thought bubble.
Gina: Dusty! If you're in any kind of trouble, let me know.
Although Dusty knew Gina wanted him to sexual purposes to feed in on her fat fetish. Gina was also a reliable friend for whenever Dusty needed her.
Meg: Wow! You're so quiet! You don't talk much, do you?
Dusty: Oops! I'm sorry! Where are my manners! I'm Dusty Marlowe. And you are....
Meg: Meg Griffin.
Dusty: Sorry I'm not good with meeting new people.
Because he never meet her before. Dusty knew not to trust Meg. So he downplayed himself for her benefit. Meg and Dusty hit it off. Meanwhile, Brian, Stewie, and Chris were driving to their first lead. A grocery store. Running inside the store, Brian, Stewie, and Chris see both the customers and the employees paralyzed with fear.
Brian: Uhhh, hello.
Silence.
Stewie: Can any of you help us?
Cold dead silence.....
Chris: Do any of you know about an Ape Man?
It went from silence to panicked screams.
Brian: Wow! These poor people must be scared shitless of that Ape Man.
Chris: Just a mere mention of the Ape Man sent every1 into a frenzy.
Stewie: You're telling me. I haven't felt this disturbed when Brian showed me that Little Debbie commercial on Youtube.
[Cutaway]:
In the living room, Brain walks in with a laptop. Stewie was sitting on the couch.
Brian (laughs); Hey Stewie? Want to see an unsual Little Debbie commercial?
Stewie: Okay, sure. Play it! I'm in the mood for a laugh!
Brian plays the commercial on his laptop. The song on the commercial plays to the tune of the I Love You Too song while showing an assortment of scenes with villains rescuing their henchmen. First it shown Lex Luthor saving his secretary Mercy Graves from being tied to a sawblade. The song plays, "Villains rescuing their helpers!" The second scene shows The Joker unlocking the Penguin who was stuck in a cage. The song continues, "From being captured by the heroes." The third scene shows Shredder saving Bebop and Rocksteady from hanging off a cliff. The song continues, "Getting their asses kicked!" The final scene shows Baron Greenback saving Stilleto Mafiosa who was strapped to a bed. Brian and Stewie look at the commercial in disbelief as they slowly turn and look at each other not knowing what to think. The commercial ends with the song singing, "And I Love You Too!" Then shows Lex Luthor and Mercy Graves eating Zebra Cakes. Looking so lovingly at each other. While the Joker and Penguin eat Oatmeal Creme Pies giving each other friendly smiles, Shredder and Bebop and Rocksteady eating Cosmic Brownies putting his arms around their shoulders, and Baron Greenback and Stilleto Mafiosa eating Swiss Rolls while hugging.
The Voiceover at the end says, "LITTLE DEBBIE! BECAUSE VILLAINS REALLY DO LOVE AND CARE ABOUT THEIR COHORTS!"
Brian and Stewie were frozen in shock over the commercial that they had seen.
Stewie: Hmmm. Okay. Well........that was different!
[End Cutaway]
Stewie: You shouldn't have to fear anymore. We're policeman!
Chris: Yes, and we're doing an assignment for the Paradise PD!
Brian: So, please! Help us help you. If any of you know anything about the Ape Man, now is the time to say something.
Finally, one of the employees opens up to Brian, Stewie, and Chris.
Employee: Last time I saw that Ape Man, he ran into the basement!
Stewie (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Brian (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Chris (Three Stooges style): To The Basement!
Scene 7:
Brian, Stewie, and Chris all rushed down to the basement of the grocery store.
Chris: Hmmmm. If I were a gorilla, where would I hide? The banana section, maybe?
Stewie:
That was a shitty half assed way to tell a joke.
None of them knew it yet, the Ape Man was right behind them!