Post by Kurtpikachu2001 on Apr 11, 2023 16:47:10 GMT
Synopsis: On a boring rainy day, the Paradise PD want to watch a B Movie. When they try to find their choice movie, it's nowhere to be found. So Randall hatches a plan to pretend Kevin is sick. Fitz and Brett DeMarco want to buy a ring from a jewelry store but their plan falls flat.
A/N: This is another Season 4 AU Paradise PD fanfic. This fanfic is also inspired by some Family Guy episodes.
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title
Justafiable Lying
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
For five days straight, the town of Paradise is enduring a rain storm that seems to have no end in sight. Stuck inside Police Headquarters, Randall wants to try to make the most of it.
Randall: This fucking rain! Why won't it let up!
Kevin: Well, at least we still have our WI-Fi and power.
Randall: Worst part about this is, there hasn't even been any crime since this rainstorm hit.
Dusty: Guess even bad guys need some time off! Am I right?
Gina: Yeah, we can't even bust any punks.
Bullet: It's so rainy out you can't even light a match to smoke crack!
Stanley: If it begins to flood, it'll be like The Great Mississippi in 1927 all over again.
Gina: We need to do something but WHAT!
Randall: I know! We all like B-Movies here right?
Gina, Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, and Bullet: YEAH!
Randall: I was thinking since we're going to be stuck here a while, how about we watch one!
Kevin: Good thinking Dad. It'll be a good way to pass the time!
Bullet (looks around his fur): Shit! I forgot my psychedelic mushrooms!
Dusty: What movie shall we see?
Randall: Why not a really bad rock opera? I was thinking Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band!
Bullet: That one with the Bee Gees? Awesome! Dammit! What a time to forget my psychedelic mushrooms.
Gina: Forget the mushrooms, you don't need those to watch the movie.
Kevin: Now all we need to do it find the movie on streaming services.
Randall, Stanley, Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Kevin will try to find Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Band on the streaming services. First Hulu.
Dusty: Awww, I can't find it on Hulu!
Randall: Let's try Starz!
Bullet: Nope, not on there, either!
Randall: Well then try Paramount Plus.
Gina: Nope.
Randall: FUCK! Okay, Fubo!
Kevin: Not on Fubo either Dad.
After trying all the streaming services, Bullet then has a suggegstion.
Bullet: FreeVee! They ought to have it.
Randall tries FreeVee and no sign of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Dusty: We'll never find it.
Gina: I got it! Amazon Prime! Or Philo, Fubo, or Tubi.
After 15 minutes of trying to find the movie, there was no sign of it on any place they've tried.
Randall: SON OF A BITCH! What does it take to see a luagh out loud B-Movie around here?
Stanley: Let's have a backup plan! Instead how about we watch Some Like It Hot? I roofied Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon!
Kevin: No! None of that old timey shit. Something modern and more with the times.
Bullet: I know! How about we watch Cocaine Bear!
Dusty: Yeah you would like that, wouldn't you? Even better, I heard One Eyed Wally has a movie!
Randall: NO! I have my heart set on Sgt. Pepper and......
The TV turns on and there was a commercial for the Make A Wish Foundation. Randall eyes the TV.
Bullet: Those new channels always show this charity crap! Yes we get it, you want money to exploit dying kids!
Randall: Dying kids...charity.....THAT'S IT! (pounds fist) I think I know a way we can see Sgt Pepper! Kevin, my boy, come with me.
Kevin: What a shocker. You need me for something.
Randall: Come in the car with me, I'll explain on the way. Rest of you, stay here and try not to kill each other.
Kevin and Randall were walking to one of the police cars.
Scene 2:
Randall was driving to the Make A Wish Foundation.
Kevin: Where are we going, Dad? Lovely Corp?
Randall: No, not that stupid ass place! To the Make A Wish Foundation! That commercial gave me some inspiration.
Kevin: But we don't know any....
Randall: Zip it, Kevin! You still look like a teenager from what I can see.
Kevin: Have an ulterior motive for this?
Randall: Yes! As a matter of fact I do. I'm going to pretend that you are my dying teenage son. Then these people will feel sorry for us then you will say your last dying wish is to see the Sgt Pepper movie, get what I'm saying.
Kevin: Yeah I do. Always dragging me along to fulfill your dreams.
Randall: You force me along to your stupid ass Sci-Fi Conventions! So you owe me!
Kevin and Randall made it to the Make a Wish Foundation. Getting out of the car, Randall has a can of shaving cream.
Randall: Pull down your pants, Kevin.
Kevin pulls down his pants, and Randall squirts the shaving cream at Kevin's penis.
Randall: This is the best plan I've ever had!
Kevin: What exactly is my disease?
Randall: Puffball Penis Bacteria. There's no known cure.
Kevin: You got that from the Blues Brothers 2000.
Randall and Kevin enter the building. Randall has Kevin sit in a wheelchair that was in the main office. They meet the receptionist there.
Receptionist: May I help you?
Randall: Yeah, I have a dying teenage son, who do I go the meet the manager.
Receptionist: First door to your left.
Randall: Thank you!
Wheeling Kevin down the meet the manager of Make A Wish, Randall enters the room.
Manager: Good evening.
Randall: Yeah, it's good to meet you. My name is Randall Crawford. I have a dying teen son.
Kevin (coughs): That's me.
Manager: Oh my. He doesn't look too good. What is his disease?
Randall: Puffball Penis Bacteria.
Kevin (coughs): I'm going to die soon.
Randall: It's a very very rare condition.
Manager: I can see. Very sad case you're dealing with here. (To Kevin): Hey buddy.
Kevin (coughs): Hey.
Manager: If you can have one wish before you pass away what would it be?
Kevin: I wanna see (coughs) a movie.
Manager: It can be any movie you want. What shall it be for you, young man?
Kevin (coughs) Sgt Peppers.....
Manager: Oh that one! I know which one you mean! That rock opera with covers of Beatles songs. Came out in 1978.
Randall: That's the one.
Manager: Good deal here. We'll mail you the copy to your house. All we need is your address.
Randall: No problem there.
When Kevin and Randall give the manager their home address.
Manager: Okay, all set. So it's settled. Your movie will be delivered to your mailbox tomorrow.
Kevin: Thank you (coughs)
Randall: You won't believe how much this means to us.
Manager: I'm sure it does. Sorry for your burd... I mean sad situation.
Randall: You never know!. I might be back soon, I got some police officers who work for me! Always wanted to see more rare B-Movies from the 1970s on DVD! Who knows, maybe next I'd like to watch The Bed That Eats!
As the Manger shook hands with Randall. He and Kevin exit the Make A Wish Foundation building and drive back home.
Scene 3:
Fitz and Brett DeMarco were looking around Lovely Corp. Then the evil duo see an Art Museum inside the building called Lovely Museum of Fine Art.
Charles Lovely: Hello! I am Charles Lovely! May I show you around this museum?
Fitz: Think we can find our own way!
Brett DeMarco: Who do you think we are? Dumbasses?
Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg were at a food truck inside the building. Charles Lovely comes up to them.
Charles Lovely: What are we cooking for the guests today?
Richard Branson: Grillied pythons!
Jeff Bezos: All these guests will think they're eating salmon! What do you think about this, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! I need a Higher Hairnet!
Charles Lovely: Who asked you anyway.
Fitz: Nothing delights me more than to see all this fine art.
Brett DeMarco: I'm loving these nude lady statues!
Fitz: We're not here for that, Brett. We're trying to find something that can suck out souls.
Brett DeMarco: Great! That sort of thing doesn't exist, where are we going to find something like that?
Fitz sees a Lovely Corp Jewelry Store straight ahead of them and points in the direction.
Brett DeMarco: There's a Jewelry Store here?
Fitz: Maybe we can find a pendent and use it on an Indian Burial Ground.
Brett DeMarco: All right, you're on.
The guests at the museum were eating the grilled pythons that Charles Lovely was serving them. Entering the Jewelry Store, Fitz and Brett DeMarco see necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, and anklets. Brett DeMarco has his eyes set on a biracial Chinese girl who was working the counter. Her name was Rita.
Rita: How may I help you fine gentlemen today?
Brett DeMarco: Wow! Check it out! A Biracial Slam Piece, dead ahead.
Fitz: Hey, this is no time to fall in love right now.
Brett DeMarco: Okay sorry. A buddy of mine who works at my pharmeceutical company send me a bunch of Loation porn and now every girl I look at I imagine throwing onto a table.
Fitz: You are one twisted sick mother fucker, Brett. That's why I'm glad to have you on my team!
Brett DeMarco (walks over to counter): Hey, uh....Rita? I bet lots of rich millionaires come in and hit on you all the time, hey? So, does that happen a lot?
Rita: That happens sometimes, did you want to look at something?
Brett DeMarco: Already am! (points to a ring): Can I try that on?
Rita: Good taste! That's our finest men's ring.
The ring that Brett picked out was a mens diamond ring.
Brett DeMarco: Let's see if it comes off if I ski in Aspen. (jumps back and forth.) Perfect.
Fitz: Brett, what the fuck are you doing?
Brett DeMarco: Just play along, okay?
Rita: I may be a nerd, but I have a thing for rich guys.
Brett DeMarco: I'll take the ring! (takes out his credit card) And your phone number too!
Rita inserts the credit card into the register and gives Brett DeMarco her card for the store with her number on it.
Brett DeMarco: Oh boy! Thank you so much!
Fitz grabs Brett DeMarco by the shoulder of his suit.
Rita: Call me!
Fitz: That ring is $10,000! What do you think the outcome will be from all of this?
Brett DeMarco: Relax, Fitz!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco both see a sign that says 72 Hour Returns Full Refund that Brett uses his thumb to point at.
Brett DeMarco: I'll just bring the ring back when she's not working and....
Fitz: No No No No No! This is no time to be impressing women! We are going to use that ring to turn it into a soul sucking gadget.
Brett DeMarco: Once a killjoy, always a killjoy.
Fitz: Trust me, Brett, you'll be happy once we can use that ring to steal souls! (laughs evilly)
Scene 4:
At the Crawford family house, Randall was getting ready to invite the Paradise PD over to watch Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band movie. Randall was in a great mood and Karen walks in into the living room.
Karen: Wow, Randall! This is totally out of character for you to be so happy.
Randall: Why shouldn't I be, Karen? There's nothing like movie night at the Crawford house, won't you say?
A doorbell rings and Karen gets it, it was a delivery man.
Karen: May I help you, sir?
Delivery Man: Uhhh, yes. DVD package for Randall Crawford?
Randall: That's me! Do I need to sign anything.
Delivery Man: Just here, here, and here!
Randall signed the papers the delivery man gave to him and the delivery man makes his departure.
Delivery Man: Have a nice day, and my condolences.
Randall: Thank you!
Karen: My condolences? Oh no! Is someone dying? Is it my Mom?
Randall: Oh no, nothing like that but...
Suddenly, Dusty runs in crying.
Karen: Dusty? You look like you're crying a river like that Julie London song.
Dusty: I just got off the phone with Anton. Is it true?
Randall: Is what true?
Dusty: Is it true about Kevin?
Karen: Kevin?!
Randall: Oh fuck! What has he done now?!
Dusty: No, it's nothing he's done. (Sobbing) Is it true that Kevin is dying?!
Karen: WHAT!! Kevin dying?!?! Randall! Explain this?
Randall: Oh no! Kevin is fine. (under his breath) Unfortunely for me. (Normal voice) Anyway, it's just a little white lie I came up with to tell the Make A Wish foundation so I can see Sgt Pepper on DVD.
Dusty (stops crying): So, Kevin is not going to die?
Randall (laughs) Your face was priceless when you thought he was! (imitates Dusty) WAH! WAH! Kevin's dying! Working for the Paradise PD is going to suck now!
Karen: You're a cruel heartless monster, Randall! Forcing Kevin to fake an illness just so you can get a Turkey of a movie on DVD?
Randall: Well, the deal has been set in stone. It's done now.
Kevin, Stanley, Bullet, and Gina then walk into the Crawford family home.
Bullet: All right! Let's get this movie night, started! (singing) It's Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...
Gina (joins in): We Hope You Will Enjoy The Show!
Scene 5:
At the conference room in the Dippin Dots Building. Brett DeMarco shows Fitz and Zeta the ring that Brett had bought.
Fitz: Damn, Lovely Corp has fucking everything!
Zeta: Wow, that ring is awesome!
Brett DeMarco: Indeed. It's going to be even more once we can find an Indian Burial Ground!
Fitz: Yes, but this ring will be used to evil! We won't be an asshole do gooder like Shang Chi And The Legend Of The Rings.
Zeta: What's the ring going to be used for?
Fitz: To suck out souls. I especially want the souls of those Lovely Corp Employees like Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and finally Charles Lovely!
Zeta: Why would you want to suck out their souls, Daddy Fitz?
Fitz: So I can take over Lovely Corp. Come on, let's go search on Google to see if there's an Indian Burial Ground around Paradise.
Brett DeMarco: Imagine what awesome power we can possess! It'll be just like fucking Amityville Horror!
Zeta, Fitz, and Brett leave the room to go on the internet and leave the ring behind on a table. Brett DeMarco's cellphone rings. He answers it. The voice on the other end was Rita. Fitz was on the internet.
Brett DeMarco: Rita, baby! How's it hanging! I'm fine! I'm just...hang on a second Rita, I can't here you over my brokers! BUY! BUY! BUY! SELL! SELL! SELL! BUY!
Rita: Wow! Buying and selling?
Brett DeMarco: Yep! Like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, greed is good! Greed works!
Rita: (laughs)
Brett DeMarco: Okay, I'll see you Saturday. Gotta go, my helicopter's here! (imitates helicopter)
While Fitz was on the internet and Brett was hitting on Rita over the phone, Puffy the Cigarette sees the ring and swallows it.
Puffy The Cigarette: YYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Fitz: What the fuck!
Brett DeMarco: That sounded like Puffy!
Zeta: Let's go.
Running back to the Conference room, Fitz and Brett DeMarco notice the ring is gone.
Fitz: Damn Puffy! Have you seen a ring?
Brett DeMarco: I sure don't see it.
Zeta: Puffy, you're the last one who saw the ring, what happened to it?
Puffy the Cigarette: If you're reffering to the ring I thought was a Ring Pop, I ate it!
Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Puffy The Cigarette: Oh come on! Don't give me that shit. Cut me some slack, will ya? I'm in a cigarette costume! I can't see anything on the outside!
Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Coming Up Next: While the Paradise PD watches the movie, a candlelight vigil in Kevin's honor is formed on the Randall's front lawn. Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta go way out of their way to get the ring out of Puffy the Cigarette.
A/N: This is another Season 4 AU Paradise PD fanfic. This fanfic is also inspired by some Family Guy episodes.
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title
Justafiable Lying
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
For five days straight, the town of Paradise is enduring a rain storm that seems to have no end in sight. Stuck inside Police Headquarters, Randall wants to try to make the most of it.
Randall: This fucking rain! Why won't it let up!
Kevin: Well, at least we still have our WI-Fi and power.
Randall: Worst part about this is, there hasn't even been any crime since this rainstorm hit.
Dusty: Guess even bad guys need some time off! Am I right?
Gina: Yeah, we can't even bust any punks.
Bullet: It's so rainy out you can't even light a match to smoke crack!
Stanley: If it begins to flood, it'll be like The Great Mississippi in 1927 all over again.
Gina: We need to do something but WHAT!
Randall: I know! We all like B-Movies here right?
Gina, Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, and Bullet: YEAH!
Randall: I was thinking since we're going to be stuck here a while, how about we watch one!
Kevin: Good thinking Dad. It'll be a good way to pass the time!
Bullet (looks around his fur): Shit! I forgot my psychedelic mushrooms!
Dusty: What movie shall we see?
Randall: Why not a really bad rock opera? I was thinking Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band!
Bullet: That one with the Bee Gees? Awesome! Dammit! What a time to forget my psychedelic mushrooms.
Gina: Forget the mushrooms, you don't need those to watch the movie.
Kevin: Now all we need to do it find the movie on streaming services.
Randall, Stanley, Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Kevin will try to find Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Band on the streaming services. First Hulu.
Dusty: Awww, I can't find it on Hulu!
Randall: Let's try Starz!
Bullet: Nope, not on there, either!
Randall: Well then try Paramount Plus.
Gina: Nope.
Randall: FUCK! Okay, Fubo!
Kevin: Not on Fubo either Dad.
After trying all the streaming services, Bullet then has a suggegstion.
Bullet: FreeVee! They ought to have it.
Randall tries FreeVee and no sign of Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Dusty: We'll never find it.
Gina: I got it! Amazon Prime! Or Philo, Fubo, or Tubi.
After 15 minutes of trying to find the movie, there was no sign of it on any place they've tried.
Randall: SON OF A BITCH! What does it take to see a luagh out loud B-Movie around here?
Stanley: Let's have a backup plan! Instead how about we watch Some Like It Hot? I roofied Tony Curtis and Jack Lemon!
Kevin: No! None of that old timey shit. Something modern and more with the times.
Bullet: I know! How about we watch Cocaine Bear!
Dusty: Yeah you would like that, wouldn't you? Even better, I heard One Eyed Wally has a movie!
Randall: NO! I have my heart set on Sgt. Pepper and......
The TV turns on and there was a commercial for the Make A Wish Foundation. Randall eyes the TV.
Bullet: Those new channels always show this charity crap! Yes we get it, you want money to exploit dying kids!
Randall: Dying kids...charity.....THAT'S IT! (pounds fist) I think I know a way we can see Sgt Pepper! Kevin, my boy, come with me.
Kevin: What a shocker. You need me for something.
Randall: Come in the car with me, I'll explain on the way. Rest of you, stay here and try not to kill each other.
Kevin and Randall were walking to one of the police cars.
Scene 2:
Randall was driving to the Make A Wish Foundation.
Kevin: Where are we going, Dad? Lovely Corp?
Randall: No, not that stupid ass place! To the Make A Wish Foundation! That commercial gave me some inspiration.
Kevin: But we don't know any....
Randall: Zip it, Kevin! You still look like a teenager from what I can see.
Kevin: Have an ulterior motive for this?
Randall: Yes! As a matter of fact I do. I'm going to pretend that you are my dying teenage son. Then these people will feel sorry for us then you will say your last dying wish is to see the Sgt Pepper movie, get what I'm saying.
Kevin: Yeah I do. Always dragging me along to fulfill your dreams.
Randall: You force me along to your stupid ass Sci-Fi Conventions! So you owe me!
Kevin and Randall made it to the Make a Wish Foundation. Getting out of the car, Randall has a can of shaving cream.
Randall: Pull down your pants, Kevin.
Kevin pulls down his pants, and Randall squirts the shaving cream at Kevin's penis.
Randall: This is the best plan I've ever had!
Kevin: What exactly is my disease?
Randall: Puffball Penis Bacteria. There's no known cure.
Kevin: You got that from the Blues Brothers 2000.
Randall and Kevin enter the building. Randall has Kevin sit in a wheelchair that was in the main office. They meet the receptionist there.
Receptionist: May I help you?
Randall: Yeah, I have a dying teenage son, who do I go the meet the manager.
Receptionist: First door to your left.
Randall: Thank you!
Wheeling Kevin down the meet the manager of Make A Wish, Randall enters the room.
Manager: Good evening.
Randall: Yeah, it's good to meet you. My name is Randall Crawford. I have a dying teen son.
Kevin (coughs): That's me.
Manager: Oh my. He doesn't look too good. What is his disease?
Randall: Puffball Penis Bacteria.
Kevin (coughs): I'm going to die soon.
Randall: It's a very very rare condition.
Manager: I can see. Very sad case you're dealing with here. (To Kevin): Hey buddy.
Kevin (coughs): Hey.
Manager: If you can have one wish before you pass away what would it be?
Kevin: I wanna see (coughs) a movie.
Manager: It can be any movie you want. What shall it be for you, young man?
Kevin (coughs) Sgt Peppers.....
Manager: Oh that one! I know which one you mean! That rock opera with covers of Beatles songs. Came out in 1978.
Randall: That's the one.
Manager: Good deal here. We'll mail you the copy to your house. All we need is your address.
Randall: No problem there.
When Kevin and Randall give the manager their home address.
Manager: Okay, all set. So it's settled. Your movie will be delivered to your mailbox tomorrow.
Kevin: Thank you (coughs)
Randall: You won't believe how much this means to us.
Manager: I'm sure it does. Sorry for your burd... I mean sad situation.
Randall: You never know!. I might be back soon, I got some police officers who work for me! Always wanted to see more rare B-Movies from the 1970s on DVD! Who knows, maybe next I'd like to watch The Bed That Eats!
As the Manger shook hands with Randall. He and Kevin exit the Make A Wish Foundation building and drive back home.
Scene 3:
Fitz and Brett DeMarco were looking around Lovely Corp. Then the evil duo see an Art Museum inside the building called Lovely Museum of Fine Art.
Charles Lovely: Hello! I am Charles Lovely! May I show you around this museum?
Fitz: Think we can find our own way!
Brett DeMarco: Who do you think we are? Dumbasses?
Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, and Mark Zuckerberg were at a food truck inside the building. Charles Lovely comes up to them.
Charles Lovely: What are we cooking for the guests today?
Richard Branson: Grillied pythons!
Jeff Bezos: All these guests will think they're eating salmon! What do you think about this, Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark Zuckerberg: Higher Hair! Higher Hair! I need a Higher Hairnet!
Charles Lovely: Who asked you anyway.
Fitz: Nothing delights me more than to see all this fine art.
Brett DeMarco: I'm loving these nude lady statues!
Fitz: We're not here for that, Brett. We're trying to find something that can suck out souls.
Brett DeMarco: Great! That sort of thing doesn't exist, where are we going to find something like that?
Fitz sees a Lovely Corp Jewelry Store straight ahead of them and points in the direction.
Brett DeMarco: There's a Jewelry Store here?
Fitz: Maybe we can find a pendent and use it on an Indian Burial Ground.
Brett DeMarco: All right, you're on.
The guests at the museum were eating the grilled pythons that Charles Lovely was serving them. Entering the Jewelry Store, Fitz and Brett DeMarco see necklaces, bracelets, rings, earrings, and anklets. Brett DeMarco has his eyes set on a biracial Chinese girl who was working the counter. Her name was Rita.
Rita: How may I help you fine gentlemen today?
Brett DeMarco: Wow! Check it out! A Biracial Slam Piece, dead ahead.
Fitz: Hey, this is no time to fall in love right now.
Brett DeMarco: Okay sorry. A buddy of mine who works at my pharmeceutical company send me a bunch of Loation porn and now every girl I look at I imagine throwing onto a table.
Fitz: You are one twisted sick mother fucker, Brett. That's why I'm glad to have you on my team!
Brett DeMarco (walks over to counter): Hey, uh....Rita? I bet lots of rich millionaires come in and hit on you all the time, hey? So, does that happen a lot?
Rita: That happens sometimes, did you want to look at something?
Brett DeMarco: Already am! (points to a ring): Can I try that on?
Rita: Good taste! That's our finest men's ring.
The ring that Brett picked out was a mens diamond ring.
Brett DeMarco: Let's see if it comes off if I ski in Aspen. (jumps back and forth.) Perfect.
Fitz: Brett, what the fuck are you doing?
Brett DeMarco: Just play along, okay?
Rita: I may be a nerd, but I have a thing for rich guys.
Brett DeMarco: I'll take the ring! (takes out his credit card) And your phone number too!
Rita inserts the credit card into the register and gives Brett DeMarco her card for the store with her number on it.
Brett DeMarco: Oh boy! Thank you so much!
Fitz grabs Brett DeMarco by the shoulder of his suit.
Rita: Call me!
Fitz: That ring is $10,000! What do you think the outcome will be from all of this?
Brett DeMarco: Relax, Fitz!
Fitz and Brett DeMarco both see a sign that says 72 Hour Returns Full Refund that Brett uses his thumb to point at.
Brett DeMarco: I'll just bring the ring back when she's not working and....
Fitz: No No No No No! This is no time to be impressing women! We are going to use that ring to turn it into a soul sucking gadget.
Brett DeMarco: Once a killjoy, always a killjoy.
Fitz: Trust me, Brett, you'll be happy once we can use that ring to steal souls! (laughs evilly)
Scene 4:
At the Crawford family house, Randall was getting ready to invite the Paradise PD over to watch Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club band movie. Randall was in a great mood and Karen walks in into the living room.
Karen: Wow, Randall! This is totally out of character for you to be so happy.
Randall: Why shouldn't I be, Karen? There's nothing like movie night at the Crawford house, won't you say?
A doorbell rings and Karen gets it, it was a delivery man.
Karen: May I help you, sir?
Delivery Man: Uhhh, yes. DVD package for Randall Crawford?
Randall: That's me! Do I need to sign anything.
Delivery Man: Just here, here, and here!
Randall signed the papers the delivery man gave to him and the delivery man makes his departure.
Delivery Man: Have a nice day, and my condolences.
Randall: Thank you!
Karen: My condolences? Oh no! Is someone dying? Is it my Mom?
Randall: Oh no, nothing like that but...
Suddenly, Dusty runs in crying.
Karen: Dusty? You look like you're crying a river like that Julie London song.
Dusty: I just got off the phone with Anton. Is it true?
Randall: Is what true?
Dusty: Is it true about Kevin?
Karen: Kevin?!
Randall: Oh fuck! What has he done now?!
Dusty: No, it's nothing he's done. (Sobbing) Is it true that Kevin is dying?!
Karen: WHAT!! Kevin dying?!?! Randall! Explain this?
Randall: Oh no! Kevin is fine. (under his breath) Unfortunely for me. (Normal voice) Anyway, it's just a little white lie I came up with to tell the Make A Wish foundation so I can see Sgt Pepper on DVD.
Dusty (stops crying): So, Kevin is not going to die?
Randall (laughs) Your face was priceless when you thought he was! (imitates Dusty) WAH! WAH! Kevin's dying! Working for the Paradise PD is going to suck now!
Karen: You're a cruel heartless monster, Randall! Forcing Kevin to fake an illness just so you can get a Turkey of a movie on DVD?
Randall: Well, the deal has been set in stone. It's done now.
Kevin, Stanley, Bullet, and Gina then walk into the Crawford family home.
Bullet: All right! Let's get this movie night, started! (singing) It's Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band...
Gina (joins in): We Hope You Will Enjoy The Show!
Scene 5:
At the conference room in the Dippin Dots Building. Brett DeMarco shows Fitz and Zeta the ring that Brett had bought.
Fitz: Damn, Lovely Corp has fucking everything!
Zeta: Wow, that ring is awesome!
Brett DeMarco: Indeed. It's going to be even more once we can find an Indian Burial Ground!
Fitz: Yes, but this ring will be used to evil! We won't be an asshole do gooder like Shang Chi And The Legend Of The Rings.
Zeta: What's the ring going to be used for?
Fitz: To suck out souls. I especially want the souls of those Lovely Corp Employees like Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and finally Charles Lovely!
Zeta: Why would you want to suck out their souls, Daddy Fitz?
Fitz: So I can take over Lovely Corp. Come on, let's go search on Google to see if there's an Indian Burial Ground around Paradise.
Brett DeMarco: Imagine what awesome power we can possess! It'll be just like fucking Amityville Horror!
Zeta, Fitz, and Brett leave the room to go on the internet and leave the ring behind on a table. Brett DeMarco's cellphone rings. He answers it. The voice on the other end was Rita. Fitz was on the internet.
Brett DeMarco: Rita, baby! How's it hanging! I'm fine! I'm just...hang on a second Rita, I can't here you over my brokers! BUY! BUY! BUY! SELL! SELL! SELL! BUY!
Rita: Wow! Buying and selling?
Brett DeMarco: Yep! Like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, greed is good! Greed works!
Rita: (laughs)
Brett DeMarco: Okay, I'll see you Saturday. Gotta go, my helicopter's here! (imitates helicopter)
While Fitz was on the internet and Brett was hitting on Rita over the phone, Puffy the Cigarette sees the ring and swallows it.
Puffy The Cigarette: YYYYYAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Fitz: What the fuck!
Brett DeMarco: That sounded like Puffy!
Zeta: Let's go.
Running back to the Conference room, Fitz and Brett DeMarco notice the ring is gone.
Fitz: Damn Puffy! Have you seen a ring?
Brett DeMarco: I sure don't see it.
Zeta: Puffy, you're the last one who saw the ring, what happened to it?
Puffy the Cigarette: If you're reffering to the ring I thought was a Ring Pop, I ate it!
Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Puffy The Cigarette: Oh come on! Don't give me that shit. Cut me some slack, will ya? I'm in a cigarette costume! I can't see anything on the outside!
Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta: AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Coming Up Next: While the Paradise PD watches the movie, a candlelight vigil in Kevin's honor is formed on the Randall's front lawn. Fitz, Brett DeMarco, and Zeta go way out of their way to get the ring out of Puffy the Cigarette.