Post by Kurtpikachu2001 on May 30, 2023 16:28:00 GMT
Synopsis: Because of spending so much on Lovely Corp products, Randall and Kevin are arrested for not paying their credit card bills on time. Then the father and son end up in Fitz and Brett's prison camp that they call "The Hoose Gow". It's up to Stanley, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina to save them. Special appearences by Charlie and Pim from Smiling Friends
Paradise PD and Smiling Friends
Fanfic Title:
Off To The Hoose Gow
by: Trenton Sands.
Scene 1:
Since Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco had taken over Lovely Corp, sales have skyrocketed. Almost half the population in Paradise were valuable Lovely Corp customers. Walking to his mailbox one morning, Randall Crawford has a towel around him, getting his mail. After taking a shower.
Randall: Boy, I sure love that new bathtub from Lovely Corp I bought! (looks at his towel): And this towel too! I'm already dry!
Karen and Kevin were inside the living room. Watching a TV that they got from Lovely Corp. Kevin was admiring his Dungeons and Dragon's board game he got.
Kevin: Wow! I can't wait to show this to Dungeon Master, Eric, and Quohand!
Karen: Lovely Corp has everything! Thanks for buying this TV for me, Kevin!
Kevin: It was a pleasure, Mom!
Karen: Now I can watch all the Viola Davis shows I want!
Randall walks into the living room with the mail in his hand.
Karen: What did we get in the mail.
Randall (shuffles though the mail): Hmmm, let's see, bill, bill, bill, bill, and (screams)
Kevin: Dad! What has you so upset?
Randall: My credit bills says PAST DUE! (hands mail to Kevin): Even yours, Kevin!
Kevin's eyes nearly yanked out of his hand when he saw the shocking truth in front on him.
Karen: But you're always on time with your credits cards.
Randall: I know I am, but why does my Mastercard bill say "PAST DUE!"
Kevin: Even my Captial One!
Karen takes the credit card statements away from Kevin and Randall.
Kevin: Hey, what gives, Mom!
Randall: We can handle our own problems.
Karen (goes over the statements): A-ha! Just as I thought. You two have been fucking around buying Lovely Corp products! You both lost track of you responsibilities of paying bills.
Randall: Hey, I am a very responsible person, Karen. Maybe Kevin did it.
Kevin: Really? All I bought was this TV for Mom and his Dungeons and Dragons game that I was going to show to my friends.
Karen: Tell you what, how about I try to take out a loan from the bank....
Kevin looks at his statement and sees that he also spent too much on Lovely Corp. He gulped at how much debt he and Randall were in. When Randall, Karen, and Kevin were all talking until their voices overlapped, Fitz was watching them with a telescope.
Fitz: Just two more to go and my Hoose Gow will be complete!
Brett DeMarco: Hey, Fitz. Whatcha doing there? Playing The Rear Window? (laughs) You're no Jimmy Stewart that's for sure!
Fitz: What a hilarious comedian you are, Brett! You ought to replace Stephen Colbert on the Late Show!
Brett DeMarco: OKay, sorry. Don't take it so seriously!
Fitz: If you must know. Thanks to this telescope, I found out that Randall and Kevin are in major credit card debt over buying our Lovely Corp products.
Brett DeMarco: Want to nab them and put them in your prison camp?
Fitz: That was my intention. Kevin and Randall are going to be fun to torture in my Hoose Gow!
Brett DeMarco: Want me to grab their asses and bring them here.
Fitz: No, send Frank and Pedro to do it! (sighs) Ooooh! Randall and Kevin! Can't wait until you are in my clutches! (laughs evilly)
Two creatures one was yellow and one was pink came into the Head office of Lovely Corp. Their names were Charlie and Pim.
Pim: Uhhh, excuse me, Fitz is it?
Charlie: We want to file a complant and....
Fitz: GET BACK TO WORK!
Charlie and Pim ran off frightened.
Scene 2:
At the Crawford House, Karen and Randall are still aruging about the credit card bills.
Randall: I'm the one who earns an honest living being a police chief! So I will pay the bills myself.
Karen: What about me, and being a mayor? Don't I provide too?
Kevin: Stop please! Mom, you don't have to do anything. Dad and I will pay our bills ourselves.
Randall runs into the kitchen and calls the bank, soon Karen and Kevin heard Randall screaming.
Kevin: What is it Dad?
Randall: The money in our bank accounts is all gone!
Karen: Even mine?!??!?
Randall: Even yours Karen!
Karen: That doesn't surprise me one bit, you and Kevin probably snuck behind my back to buy these Lovely Corp products.
Randall: Oh what? You think Kevin and I are in a conspiracy to spend all your money or something?
Kevin: Come on, Mom. How can you think that? You've always sided with Mom against me.
Looking around their house filled with regret and buyers remorse, Kevin sees all the products he and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp. Everything from a Refridgerator, oven, dishwasher and even toilets. Still hearing his parents argue, Kevin goes into his room and sees his room filled with Lovely Corp products too.
Not playing attention to Kevin, Randall and Karen tear into each other. That was until their front door was broken down.
Randall: What the fuck!
Karen: Who are you?!?!?
Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth broke down the front door and they were armed with guns.
Pedro Pooptooth: In the name of the people of Lovely Corpse...
Frank Flipperfist: Corp! We hearby place you Randall Crawford and your son Kevin under arrest!
Randall soon found himself being grabbed and beaten by Pedro Pooptooth. Karen didn't know what to do. She was frozen in fear. Frank Flipperfist found Kevin in his room and grabbed and beat him in the same fashion that Pedro did to Randall.
Kevin and Randall: HELP! HELP! HELP!
Karen snapped out of her state of shock.
Randall: Please Karen! We're being taken away to who knows the fuck where!
Kevin: Mom! Mom! Get the Paradise PD to help!
Karen: Oh so now you want my help, hey?
Frank and Pedro threw Randall and Kevin into the paddy wagon. Then drove off.
Pedro Pooptooth: Hope you know I didn't mean to pronounce it like 'corpse'. I just did that for humor.
Frank Flipperfist: You've been watching too many Mel Brooks movies.
Pedro Pooptooth: Hey, History of The World Part 1 was a masterpiece, puto!
Frank Flipperfist: The Producers will always be my favorite.
Wacthing her husband and son get taken away for Karen was now all alone. She decided to get the Paradise PD. As soon as she was going to head for the phone, a knock was heard at the door. Karen goes to get it. On the other side was Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos.
Karen: Can I help you, gentlemen?
Russian Mobster: We're here to repossess everything Randall and Kevin bought!
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Out of our way, missy!
Karen cries as she sees Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos take everything Kevin and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp.
Russian Mobster: Did I tell you I am doing the alphabet now instead of counting?
Marcos Narcos: First I've heard of it.
Karen: As usual! I have to clean up Randall's and Kevin's messes. Paradise PD, here I come.
Scene 3:
The paddywagon that Randall and Kevin were inside the back was driving them to the prison camp Fitz built for anyone who was in debt to him. The prison camp was called The Hoose Gow. They were bewildered to see Robbie and Delbert were inside the back of the paddywagon.
Randall: Robbie and Delbert? You guys too?
Robbie: Yeah, we used a credit card and bought all this cool stuff....
Delbert: This so called 'cool' stuff we bought were gun and crack!
Robbie: Next thing we knew we were inside this paddywagon.
Delbert: Robbie and I ran out of crack so we used a credit card to get some...
Randall: It's not just us.
Kevin: Who else is there?
Robbie: That Hobo Cop guy...
Delbert: And also Cooter and Bo, think their sister is that Gina bitch.
The paddywagon stopped at The Hoose Gow, Frank Flipperfist opened the door.
Frank Flipperfist: Get out you shit headed maggots! Get out before I stick a pole up your asses and force you out!
One by one, Robbie, Kevin, Randall and Delbert all got out of the paddywagon. Then the four of them were forcibly pushed by Pedro Pooptooth.
Pedro Pooptooth: Faster Putos! Kill Kill!
Now Kevin, Randall, Robbie, and Delbert were all being thrown on the ground. They all had to stand in line. In the line were Hobo Cop, Cooter, Bo, Preacher Paul, and Charlie and Pim from Smiling Friends.
Frank Flipperfist: You all stay here until we get our leader! The new leader of Lovely Corp.
Randall: What the fuck is this, Brubaker?
Kevin: Looks like that place from the Eddie Murphy prison flick Life to me, Dad.
Robbie: Don't worry guys, I have an escape plan.
Randall: What is it? I'm willing to do anything right now.
Robbie (holds an apple): See this apple here? We called Camaro Bob and some larping kids on our cellphones to throw a ladder into here.
Delbert: That way once they see the apple we can all escape this hellhole together.
Randall: How many apples you got?
Delbert gives Randall and Kevin two apples. Charlie and Pim look at Kevin and Randall.
Randall (looks at Charlie and Pim): Who the fuck are you freaks?
Charlie: I'm Charlie.
Pim: I'm Pim.
Robbie: Yeah theys from that Adult Swim show Smiling Friends.
Kevin: What are you guys doing here?
Charlie: We came because we were trying to melt the hearts of the Lovely Corp leaders by making them smile.
Pim: Instead they got mad at us and the next thing we knew we were here.
Randall: Oh what a sad hard luck story.
Kevin: Bet this leader is Charles Lovely himself.
Randall: Yeah, and maybe Jeff Bezos and whoever else was there.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco show themselves to the prisoners.
Randall: WHAT??! THEM!
Kevin: Fitz and Brett DeMarco? I thought they were drug dealers!
Fitz: Not anymore!
Brett DeMarco: Didn't you hear? We beat those Helluva Boss demons in a mountain climbing competition.
Fitz: Now Charles Lovely is in retirement!
Randall: What about the people who worked for him, that Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos?
Fitz: They died! (walks around) Now. You all are here because you are in credit card debt from buying all my Lovely Corp products.
Brett DeMarco: You guys all didn't bother to pay off the balance every month like you're supposed to!
Fitz: Here we will work you all until your spirits break!
Robbie: When do we eat!
Delbert: Do we get to keep our cellphones?
The crowd erputs in laughter, Brett DeMarco lunges at Robbie.
Brett DeMarco: We eat when we tell you to eat!
Robbie got hit with the back of a shotgun by Brett DeMarco. Then Delbert gets hit too.
Brett DeMarco: No cellphones or luxuries here!
Fitz: Anyone who has cellphones, place them in this bucket, my adopted daughter will be collecting them.
Zeta comes with a bucket and Robbie, Preacher Paul, Hobo Cop, Delbert, Kevin, and Randall all dropped their cellphones inside.
Fitz: If any of you escape, Brett here will shoot you in the ass and force you to come back and so you can pay off your debts to Lovely Corp! Anything else?
Silence, tone dead silence.
Fitz: Good! Time to accept your fates! Welcome to The Hoose Gow!
Brett DeMarco: Kevin and Randall you guys come with us! The rest of you sons of bitches stay here until we decide what to do with you all!
Randall and Kevin gulp in fear.
Up next: Karen notifies the Paradise PD to help her find Kevin and Randall. The escape plan with the apples that Robbie and Delbert gave to Randall and Kevin goes south. Charlie and Pim try to suck up to Randall and Kevin.
Paradise PD and Smiling Friends
Fanfic Title:
Off To The Hoose Gow
by: Trenton Sands.
Scene 1:
Since Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco had taken over Lovely Corp, sales have skyrocketed. Almost half the population in Paradise were valuable Lovely Corp customers. Walking to his mailbox one morning, Randall Crawford has a towel around him, getting his mail. After taking a shower.
Randall: Boy, I sure love that new bathtub from Lovely Corp I bought! (looks at his towel): And this towel too! I'm already dry!
Karen and Kevin were inside the living room. Watching a TV that they got from Lovely Corp. Kevin was admiring his Dungeons and Dragon's board game he got.
Kevin: Wow! I can't wait to show this to Dungeon Master, Eric, and Quohand!
Karen: Lovely Corp has everything! Thanks for buying this TV for me, Kevin!
Kevin: It was a pleasure, Mom!
Karen: Now I can watch all the Viola Davis shows I want!
Randall walks into the living room with the mail in his hand.
Karen: What did we get in the mail.
Randall (shuffles though the mail): Hmmm, let's see, bill, bill, bill, bill, and (screams)
Kevin: Dad! What has you so upset?
Randall: My credit bills says PAST DUE! (hands mail to Kevin): Even yours, Kevin!
Kevin's eyes nearly yanked out of his hand when he saw the shocking truth in front on him.
Karen: But you're always on time with your credits cards.
Randall: I know I am, but why does my Mastercard bill say "PAST DUE!"
Kevin: Even my Captial One!
Karen takes the credit card statements away from Kevin and Randall.
Kevin: Hey, what gives, Mom!
Randall: We can handle our own problems.
Karen (goes over the statements): A-ha! Just as I thought. You two have been fucking around buying Lovely Corp products! You both lost track of you responsibilities of paying bills.
Randall: Hey, I am a very responsible person, Karen. Maybe Kevin did it.
Kevin: Really? All I bought was this TV for Mom and his Dungeons and Dragons game that I was going to show to my friends.
Karen: Tell you what, how about I try to take out a loan from the bank....
Kevin looks at his statement and sees that he also spent too much on Lovely Corp. He gulped at how much debt he and Randall were in. When Randall, Karen, and Kevin were all talking until their voices overlapped, Fitz was watching them with a telescope.
Fitz: Just two more to go and my Hoose Gow will be complete!
Brett DeMarco: Hey, Fitz. Whatcha doing there? Playing The Rear Window? (laughs) You're no Jimmy Stewart that's for sure!
Fitz: What a hilarious comedian you are, Brett! You ought to replace Stephen Colbert on the Late Show!
Brett DeMarco: OKay, sorry. Don't take it so seriously!
Fitz: If you must know. Thanks to this telescope, I found out that Randall and Kevin are in major credit card debt over buying our Lovely Corp products.
Brett DeMarco: Want to nab them and put them in your prison camp?
Fitz: That was my intention. Kevin and Randall are going to be fun to torture in my Hoose Gow!
Brett DeMarco: Want me to grab their asses and bring them here.
Fitz: No, send Frank and Pedro to do it! (sighs) Ooooh! Randall and Kevin! Can't wait until you are in my clutches! (laughs evilly)
Two creatures one was yellow and one was pink came into the Head office of Lovely Corp. Their names were Charlie and Pim.
Pim: Uhhh, excuse me, Fitz is it?
Charlie: We want to file a complant and....
Fitz: GET BACK TO WORK!
Charlie and Pim ran off frightened.
Scene 2:
At the Crawford House, Karen and Randall are still aruging about the credit card bills.
Randall: I'm the one who earns an honest living being a police chief! So I will pay the bills myself.
Karen: What about me, and being a mayor? Don't I provide too?
Kevin: Stop please! Mom, you don't have to do anything. Dad and I will pay our bills ourselves.
Randall runs into the kitchen and calls the bank, soon Karen and Kevin heard Randall screaming.
Kevin: What is it Dad?
Randall: The money in our bank accounts is all gone!
Karen: Even mine?!??!?
Randall: Even yours Karen!
Karen: That doesn't surprise me one bit, you and Kevin probably snuck behind my back to buy these Lovely Corp products.
Randall: Oh what? You think Kevin and I are in a conspiracy to spend all your money or something?
Kevin: Come on, Mom. How can you think that? You've always sided with Mom against me.
Looking around their house filled with regret and buyers remorse, Kevin sees all the products he and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp. Everything from a Refridgerator, oven, dishwasher and even toilets. Still hearing his parents argue, Kevin goes into his room and sees his room filled with Lovely Corp products too.
Not playing attention to Kevin, Randall and Karen tear into each other. That was until their front door was broken down.
Randall: What the fuck!
Karen: Who are you?!?!?
Frank Flipperfist and Pedro Pooptooth broke down the front door and they were armed with guns.
Pedro Pooptooth: In the name of the people of Lovely Corpse...
Frank Flipperfist: Corp! We hearby place you Randall Crawford and your son Kevin under arrest!
Randall soon found himself being grabbed and beaten by Pedro Pooptooth. Karen didn't know what to do. She was frozen in fear. Frank Flipperfist found Kevin in his room and grabbed and beat him in the same fashion that Pedro did to Randall.
Kevin and Randall: HELP! HELP! HELP!
Karen snapped out of her state of shock.
Randall: Please Karen! We're being taken away to who knows the fuck where!
Kevin: Mom! Mom! Get the Paradise PD to help!
Karen: Oh so now you want my help, hey?
Frank and Pedro threw Randall and Kevin into the paddy wagon. Then drove off.
Pedro Pooptooth: Hope you know I didn't mean to pronounce it like 'corpse'. I just did that for humor.
Frank Flipperfist: You've been watching too many Mel Brooks movies.
Pedro Pooptooth: Hey, History of The World Part 1 was a masterpiece, puto!
Frank Flipperfist: The Producers will always be my favorite.
Wacthing her husband and son get taken away for Karen was now all alone. She decided to get the Paradise PD. As soon as she was going to head for the phone, a knock was heard at the door. Karen goes to get it. On the other side was Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos.
Karen: Can I help you, gentlemen?
Russian Mobster: We're here to repossess everything Randall and Kevin bought!
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria! Out of our way, missy!
Karen cries as she sees Russian Mobster and Marcos Narcos take everything Kevin and Randall had bought from Lovely Corp.
Russian Mobster: Did I tell you I am doing the alphabet now instead of counting?
Marcos Narcos: First I've heard of it.
Karen: As usual! I have to clean up Randall's and Kevin's messes. Paradise PD, here I come.
Scene 3:
The paddywagon that Randall and Kevin were inside the back was driving them to the prison camp Fitz built for anyone who was in debt to him. The prison camp was called The Hoose Gow. They were bewildered to see Robbie and Delbert were inside the back of the paddywagon.
Randall: Robbie and Delbert? You guys too?
Robbie: Yeah, we used a credit card and bought all this cool stuff....
Delbert: This so called 'cool' stuff we bought were gun and crack!
Robbie: Next thing we knew we were inside this paddywagon.
Delbert: Robbie and I ran out of crack so we used a credit card to get some...
Randall: It's not just us.
Kevin: Who else is there?
Robbie: That Hobo Cop guy...
Delbert: And also Cooter and Bo, think their sister is that Gina bitch.
The paddywagon stopped at The Hoose Gow, Frank Flipperfist opened the door.
Frank Flipperfist: Get out you shit headed maggots! Get out before I stick a pole up your asses and force you out!
One by one, Robbie, Kevin, Randall and Delbert all got out of the paddywagon. Then the four of them were forcibly pushed by Pedro Pooptooth.
Pedro Pooptooth: Faster Putos! Kill Kill!
Now Kevin, Randall, Robbie, and Delbert were all being thrown on the ground. They all had to stand in line. In the line were Hobo Cop, Cooter, Bo, Preacher Paul, and Charlie and Pim from Smiling Friends.
Frank Flipperfist: You all stay here until we get our leader! The new leader of Lovely Corp.
Randall: What the fuck is this, Brubaker?
Kevin: Looks like that place from the Eddie Murphy prison flick Life to me, Dad.
Robbie: Don't worry guys, I have an escape plan.
Randall: What is it? I'm willing to do anything right now.
Robbie (holds an apple): See this apple here? We called Camaro Bob and some larping kids on our cellphones to throw a ladder into here.
Delbert: That way once they see the apple we can all escape this hellhole together.
Randall: How many apples you got?
Delbert gives Randall and Kevin two apples. Charlie and Pim look at Kevin and Randall.
Randall (looks at Charlie and Pim): Who the fuck are you freaks?
Charlie: I'm Charlie.
Pim: I'm Pim.
Robbie: Yeah theys from that Adult Swim show Smiling Friends.
Kevin: What are you guys doing here?
Charlie: We came because we were trying to melt the hearts of the Lovely Corp leaders by making them smile.
Pim: Instead they got mad at us and the next thing we knew we were here.
Randall: Oh what a sad hard luck story.
Kevin: Bet this leader is Charles Lovely himself.
Randall: Yeah, and maybe Jeff Bezos and whoever else was there.
Fitz and Brett DeMarco show themselves to the prisoners.
Randall: WHAT??! THEM!
Kevin: Fitz and Brett DeMarco? I thought they were drug dealers!
Fitz: Not anymore!
Brett DeMarco: Didn't you hear? We beat those Helluva Boss demons in a mountain climbing competition.
Fitz: Now Charles Lovely is in retirement!
Randall: What about the people who worked for him, that Richard Branson, Mark Zuckerberg, and Jeff Bezos?
Fitz: They died! (walks around) Now. You all are here because you are in credit card debt from buying all my Lovely Corp products.
Brett DeMarco: You guys all didn't bother to pay off the balance every month like you're supposed to!
Fitz: Here we will work you all until your spirits break!
Robbie: When do we eat!
Delbert: Do we get to keep our cellphones?
The crowd erputs in laughter, Brett DeMarco lunges at Robbie.
Brett DeMarco: We eat when we tell you to eat!
Robbie got hit with the back of a shotgun by Brett DeMarco. Then Delbert gets hit too.
Brett DeMarco: No cellphones or luxuries here!
Fitz: Anyone who has cellphones, place them in this bucket, my adopted daughter will be collecting them.
Zeta comes with a bucket and Robbie, Preacher Paul, Hobo Cop, Delbert, Kevin, and Randall all dropped their cellphones inside.
Fitz: If any of you escape, Brett here will shoot you in the ass and force you to come back and so you can pay off your debts to Lovely Corp! Anything else?
Silence, tone dead silence.
Fitz: Good! Time to accept your fates! Welcome to The Hoose Gow!
Brett DeMarco: Kevin and Randall you guys come with us! The rest of you sons of bitches stay here until we decide what to do with you all!
Randall and Kevin gulp in fear.
Up next: Karen notifies the Paradise PD to help her find Kevin and Randall. The escape plan with the apples that Robbie and Delbert gave to Randall and Kevin goes south. Charlie and Pim try to suck up to Randall and Kevin.