Post by dwain1985 on Oct 3, 2020 7:50:29 GMT
First of all, to understand this episode idea, you must have seen the DVD version of the season 5 episode "It takes a village idiot, and I married one." For those of you who haven't, there is a scene where Peter's family is driving to quagmire's cabin, and they can't find it, and Meg says, "Didn't he say the entrance to the driveway is between two large oak trees?" Lois says, "Well there's lots of trees out here, how do we know which ones he's talking about?" The car then enters the driveway, and the camera zooms out, revealing that the two oak trees are planted where they are the balls, and the driveway is laid out to be the shaft, and quagmire's cabin is built in the head. Brian's voice is then heard saying, "I think it's a safe bet this is the place." However, this scene doesn't appear in the Hulu version of the episode. That being said, I have typed the suggested dialogue for the beginning of the episode. If and when the episode idea is used, I will let the episode writers use their imaginations to finish it.
(The scene begins at the Quahog Airport, where quagmire is about to get ready to make a flight.)
Paul Wheelwell: Quagmire! I would like you to meet Rhonda Whitewing! She is training to be an airline pilot. She will be your copilot on this flight. You have trained newbies before, right?
Quagmire: Sure have! Trust me, she will be learning from the best!
Paul Wheelwell: Excellent! Now you two have a safe flight!
(The airliner is in flight, and Quagmire and Rhonda are both in the cockpit.)
Quagmire: I must say, you are a fast learner, Rhonda! What was your flight simulator average?
Rhonda: 93 percent.
Quagmire: Nice! Even mine was only 87!
Rhonda: Well, don't worry, I won't let my higher score go to my head. You're also a good teacher. Oh. My. GOD!!!
Quagmire: What? What's the matter?
Rhonda: Look at that cabin down there! What kind of pervert would lay out their landscape that way?!
(The camera cuts to the bird's eye view of quagmire's cabin, which as explained, is laid out in the shape of a penis)
Quagmire: Um, gee Rhonda! I have no clue!
(The human resources office at the Quahog Airport)
Quagmire: You wanted to see me, Mr. Wheelwell?
Paul Wheelwell: Quagmire, we have a problem. Rhonda Whitewing has made a sexual harassment complaint against you.
Quagmire: Sexual Harrassment?! If this has to do with that cabin she saw on the ground while I was training her, that cabin could belong to anyone!
Paul Wheelwell: Don't play coy. We've checked with the Rhode Island tax assessors office. We know that's your cabin!
Quagmire: Ok, you got me. It is. But it's my property! I have the right to arrange the landscaping any way I want to! Besides, it's not my fault that our flight path just conveniently went directly over my cabin at the same time I was training a female pilot. Also, she seems to be the only one who noticed. Have any of the stewardesses complained who were also on the flight? Or for that matter, have any of the passengers complained about seeing it?!
Paul Wheelwell: I must say, those are all very good points, Mr. Quagmire. So here's what I will do. I will ask each and every other person, male or female, on that flight if they noticed your cabin. If none of them did, you're off the hook.
Quagmire: But what if there were little kids on the flight? How do you intend to ask them?
Paul Wheelwell: If they were traveling with their parents, I won't. I will simply ask their parents if their kids pointed to it and asked, "Daddy, what's that?" Or, "Mommy, what's that?" If the child was traveling alone, I will just use the type of therapist who is trained to question suspected child molestation victims to ask them if they noticed your cabin.
Quagmire: Sounds like a plan. Will I be allowed to work in the meantime?
Paul Wheelwell: Normally, my answer would be no. But considering that in this situation the complaint happened because of multiple circumstances which occurred at the same time, I will make an exception. I will you inform you what happens either way.
(The scene begins at the Quahog Airport, where quagmire is about to get ready to make a flight.)
Paul Wheelwell: Quagmire! I would like you to meet Rhonda Whitewing! She is training to be an airline pilot. She will be your copilot on this flight. You have trained newbies before, right?
Quagmire: Sure have! Trust me, she will be learning from the best!
Paul Wheelwell: Excellent! Now you two have a safe flight!
(The airliner is in flight, and Quagmire and Rhonda are both in the cockpit.)
Quagmire: I must say, you are a fast learner, Rhonda! What was your flight simulator average?
Rhonda: 93 percent.
Quagmire: Nice! Even mine was only 87!
Rhonda: Well, don't worry, I won't let my higher score go to my head. You're also a good teacher. Oh. My. GOD!!!
Quagmire: What? What's the matter?
Rhonda: Look at that cabin down there! What kind of pervert would lay out their landscape that way?!
(The camera cuts to the bird's eye view of quagmire's cabin, which as explained, is laid out in the shape of a penis)
Quagmire: Um, gee Rhonda! I have no clue!
(The human resources office at the Quahog Airport)
Quagmire: You wanted to see me, Mr. Wheelwell?
Paul Wheelwell: Quagmire, we have a problem. Rhonda Whitewing has made a sexual harassment complaint against you.
Quagmire: Sexual Harrassment?! If this has to do with that cabin she saw on the ground while I was training her, that cabin could belong to anyone!
Paul Wheelwell: Don't play coy. We've checked with the Rhode Island tax assessors office. We know that's your cabin!
Quagmire: Ok, you got me. It is. But it's my property! I have the right to arrange the landscaping any way I want to! Besides, it's not my fault that our flight path just conveniently went directly over my cabin at the same time I was training a female pilot. Also, she seems to be the only one who noticed. Have any of the stewardesses complained who were also on the flight? Or for that matter, have any of the passengers complained about seeing it?!
Paul Wheelwell: I must say, those are all very good points, Mr. Quagmire. So here's what I will do. I will ask each and every other person, male or female, on that flight if they noticed your cabin. If none of them did, you're off the hook.
Quagmire: But what if there were little kids on the flight? How do you intend to ask them?
Paul Wheelwell: If they were traveling with their parents, I won't. I will simply ask their parents if their kids pointed to it and asked, "Daddy, what's that?" Or, "Mommy, what's that?" If the child was traveling alone, I will just use the type of therapist who is trained to question suspected child molestation victims to ask them if they noticed your cabin.
Quagmire: Sounds like a plan. Will I be allowed to work in the meantime?
Paul Wheelwell: Normally, my answer would be no. But considering that in this situation the complaint happened because of multiple circumstances which occurred at the same time, I will make an exception. I will you inform you what happens either way.