Post by Kurtpikachu2001 on Mar 13, 2022 22:37:54 GMT
Note: The name of the bank robber/serial rapist has been changed from Butch Walker to Butch Wallace. There's also going to be a character in this who's based on Phillip J. Fry from Futurama. Enjoy!
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
High School Hide
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
At the Paradise Court House. A jury has reached a verdict. Kevin and Randall were among the jurors. The defendant was a violent offender known as Butch Wallace. Whose crimes were serial rape, homicide, and bank robbery. Judge Judge asked the jurors about the fate of Butch Wallace. Also on jury duty was Hobo Cop.
Judge Judge: Has the jury reached the verdict?
Hobo Cop: Indeed we have your honor.
Randall (to himself): If this is a hung jury it'll be like 12 Angry Men.
Hobo Cop: We find the defendant Butch Wallace GUILTY on all counts of robbery, serial rape and homicide.
Butch Wallace hangs is head in shame as he learns his fate.
Kevin: Wow, Dad! Being on Jury Duty with you was so much fun!
Randall: I just did it for the money.
Judge Judge: Butch Wallace, this court finds you Guilty of all the crimes you have committed. You shall receive 100 life sentences without the possibility of parole. Case dismissed. (bangs gavel) Any questions.
Kevin rises his hand.
Randall: Kevin! Don't! You'll keep us in here longer.
Judge Judge (sees Kevin): Yes you. The ginger haired man who looks like a teenage Stan Laurel.
Kevin: Aren't you going to hang him?
Butch Wallace feels an intense rage inside of him. Begins to break up the courtroom over what Kevin asked. Everyone in the court was in a panic over what Kevin said.
Randall (trying to stop the panic): Settle down! This is court room! Not the woods!
Butch Wallace (to Randall and Kevin): Just for that! For saying that to me! You guys better watch yourselves. Because I will hunt you down and find you both!
Kevin: Uhhh, you are? But how?
Butch Wallace: I'm coming for you both. So you both better be ready! No matter where you run, or if you even try to hide. I..will search high and low until I turn your asshole inside out and shove them up your noses!
Randall and Kevin run out of the courtroom. As does the other jurors who were on jury duty. Including the balliffs and audience who came to see the trial. Randall and Kevin scramble to police car to drive away.
Kevin (sighs of relief): Glad to get out of that hellhole. It was like The Trial of The Chicago 7 in there!
Randall: Why don't you keep your mother fucking mouth shut?
Kevin: But, I didn't do anything!
Randall: Yes you did! You put us right on the spot!
Kevin: What exactly did I do?
Randall: Do you even have to ask? You had to open your big fat mouth and say (mocking Kevin): Aren't gonna hang him!
Kevin: We have the Death Penalty here in Georgia. I assumed he was going to get put to death for his crimes.
Randall: Now because of what you did, we're going to have to run far far away.
Kevin: Just because Butch Wallace said he was going to hunt us down doesn't mean he's going to do it.
Randall: You can't be too sure these days. Didn't you see the way he destroyed that courtroom? Of course he's going to come after us.
Kevin: Since you say we'll have to run away. Where are we going to go?
Randall: In this case, Anywhere But Here!
Kevin: You mean LA? Say, I know! You can be the happy carefree mother and I'll be the snobby daughter who wants to go to Ivy League!
Randall: That's not what I meant! Let's just go back to headquarters and tell everyone the bad news.
Kevin drives the police car back to the Paradise PD Police Headquarters Building. Butch Wallace was watching them.
Butch Wallace: Where ever they go. I will follow. (holding a severed head of a balliff) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!
Scene 2:
Randall was in the conference room of the Paradise PD Police Headquarters.
Bullet: Hey, Randall. How did it go on Jury Duty?
Dusty: From the looks of things, not too good.
Stanley: I remember my first jury duty. I shoved a shoe up Khrushchev's ass!
Gina: Is Butch Wallace going to experience a life sentence of sodomy?
Kevin: I'm afraid not. You see, after he heard his sentence. He caused a ruckus in the courtroom. Destroyed everything in sight. Now he's threatened to end our lives and...
Randall: Why don't you tell them the truth, Kevin? How exactly why did Butch Wallace break up the courtroom.
Bullet: Uhh, don't tell me. Randall asked if he could execute him.
Randall: Nothing of that kind. Kevin asked if Butch Wallace was going to be executed for his crimes. So now because of Kevin. We're going to have to hide somewhere!
Gina: Oh fuck! Why don't you just fire that twat waffle son of yours.
Dusty: Is this going to be a Witness Protection thing?
Stanley: I know a good place to hide. James Cagney's fireplace.
Kevin: Look, Butch Wallace was annoyed with what I said. And for that, I'm sorry. But we don't have to take this seriously.
Randall: Yes we do! We're hiding away someplace.
Kevin: You should be mad at Butch Wallace not me.
Randall: I'm mad at both of you!
Bullet: I got a place. That arena where I go to do Dog Cock Fights.
Randall: No! People know us there. It has to be a place where nobody knows us.
Gina: You're right, Randall. A place where we can blend in.
Dusty: Where do you suggest, you're the chief you oughta know.
Randall: I got it. Now that Dean Hancock is in prison. We can go to Diamond City.
Kevin: Yes but where in Diamond City? Maybe the Costco?
Dusty: Hope it is the Costco! Maybe we can hunt for aliens like in The Watch!
Randall: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (pounding his fists on his desk).
Gina: There's a roller rink there. Maybe we can pretend we're a Roller Derby team.
Randall: Out of the question. I thought of somewhere.
Dusty: It's not the fat camp they have there is it?
Gina: Oh come on, Dusty! Do you think I'd let that happen!
Randall: No. People, we are going to school!
Stanley: School? Say, while we're there. Can I be The Prom Queen?
Randall: We are going to High School. We'll hide away there.
Kevin: How long will it take, Dad?
Randall: Until Butch Wallace forgets you asked Judge Judge if he was going to get hung!
Dusty: HA! Like that's going to happen! As they always say, nobody forgets someone with red hair!
Bullet: High school! Yes! Can't wait to fuck around with cheerleaders! I'm a teenager in dog years anyway!
Randall, Gina, Stanley, Bullet, Dusty, and Kevin all went inside individual police cars to drive to Diamond City High School.
Dusty: High school......oooohhh. I hope I don't get fat shamed there.
Scene 3:
Randall, Stanley, Gina, Kevin, Dusty and Bullet enter the hallways of Diamond City High School. All over there were plaques of football, baseball, and basketball awards. There were banners all around that read, "HOME OF THE CHEETAHS!" The hallways were empty because all the teachers and students were in their classrooms. The school was soon heading into it's lunch break.
Kevin: Never thought the halls would be so empty.
Bullet: High schools are a morgue before lunch.
Gina: You know. This is my chance to experience high school. I never attended any type of school when I was in the coma.
Stanley: Nobody will let me be a Homecoming Queen, so I guess I'll be a janitor!
A janitor comes out of the closet and Gina runs up to him and breaks his neck and shoves a mop into his anus.
Gina: Now here's your chance.
Stanley: All right! Thank you, Gina! (runs to the janitor's closet)
Dusty: Oooh! High school! Oh how I hated it! Everyone bullied and used me and pretended to be my friend.
Randall: Seems as though everyone is in class and....
The bell rang for the lunch hour. All the students and teachers get out of their classrooms and head to the cafeteria.
Kevin: Look how we disappear into the crowd Dad! There's no way Butch Wallace will ever find us now.
Randall: Okay here's the deal. We all will go into the cafeteria and pretend to be students. Each and every one of you go find a group of losers to hang out with. Understood?
Dusty: What if one of us doesn't find a crowd to hang out with!
Kevin: Yeah, Dusty's right. Then what?
Randall: That's your problem not mine! You can't expect to become like Jeff Spicoli in one day!
Kevin, Dusty, Gina, and Bullet all go and find a place to sit for lunch.
Randall: One more thing! Don't tell anyone here about hiding away from Butch Wallace!
Kevin: Right, Dad!
Bullet: Hmmm, wonder where the cheerleaders sit?
Dusty: Everyone is staring at me. Deja Vu!
Kevin: I had a miserable time in high school myself! Once word got out that I shot my Dad's testicles. Everyone kept chanting, 'Ball Breaker Ball Breaker! Never join the LA Lakers.' Never got over it.
Dusty: I never got over being bullied for being the fattest kid in school!
Gina: Quit whining you pussies! If anyone tries to bully you, leave them to me!
A secretary spots Randall.
Secretary: Excuse me, sir?
Randall: You talking to me?
Secretary: Yes, our principal unexpectedly quit on us. We at the School Counsel were hoping that you would fill in until we can find a permanent replacement.
Randall: Would I ever?! Yes! I'll do it! Not only do I get to be police chief, I get to be a High School Principal!
Secretary: That's the spirit! Or should we say, that's the "school spirit!" (laughs)
Kevin found a bunch of students to hang out with, as did Gina, and Bullet found the cheerleader table.
Cheerleader #1: A dog?
Cheerleader #2: They allow dogs in school now?
Bullet: Yes, I am a dog. Thanks for noticing.
Cheerleader #3: You a new student?
Bullet: Do you guys have a mascot?
Cheerleader #4: Actually no. We have a cheetah for the football team.
Cheerleader #5: But none for the basketball team.
Bullet: Well, look no further! I'll be your Basketball Team mascot! However it comes with a price! If you get my drift!
Cheerleader #2: What do you want us to do?
Cheerleader #3: It better not be what we think it is...
Bullet: No, just bring me a keg is all!
Cheerleader #4: Cool! You're in!
Kevin was at a table with geeks. Gina was at a table with a wrestling team. Dusty still could not find a place to sit.
Dusty: Aaaaaw, everyone already has friends expect me. Story of my miserable life.
Kevin: So, you guys. What do you do for fun here?
The Chess Club members were named Chad, Sean, Albert, and Eddie.
Chad: We play chess.
Kevin: You do hey? Think you can teach me?
Sean: Sure we can!
Albert: We're actually a losing Chess team
Chad: Sad but true. We were looking for another member to bring us back to the top again.
Kevin: Okay! You found him! (laughs nervously)
Gina: You guys a wrestling team?
The wrestling team all nodded in unison.
Gina: Would you consider letting a girl join your team?
The wrestling team once more nodded in unison.
Gina: Don't talk to much do you?
Wrestling Member #1: Sure you can join.
Wrestling Member #2: In fact, after school there's a Wrestling Tournament.
Gina: Who are you going up against?
Wrestling Member #3: Our rivals from Paradise High School.
Gina: Let everything to me. I'll bring your team to victory! I know the tricks of the trade when it comes to fighting!
Dusty is spotted by a bunch of jocks. Suddenly the song I'm A Man by Chicago begins to play. Everyone from students, teachers, and even Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina had their eyes on what was going on. Randall appeared in the middle of the cafeteria.
Randall (dancing around): Guess what assholes! Say hello to your new temporary Principal! ME! RANDALL CRAWFORD! THAT'S WHO! Come join me in song and dance!
Sean: Who the fuck is he?
Then Kevin soon remembered that they were on the run from Butch Wallace.
Kevin: Uhh, never seen him before in my life! heh heh!
Outside the Diamond City High school. Butch Wallace had Kevin and Randall in his sights.
Butch Wallace: Tonight! Those two cock fuckers are going to DIE!
Scene 4:
At the Dippin Dots building. Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco were holding another meeting in the conference room.
Fitz: I just want to say everyone. I am sorry that I got mad at all of you this week.
Brett DeMarco: What exactly was the reason?
Frank Flipperfist: Think nothing of it.
Russian Mobster: We knew you really weren't mad at us.
Brett DeMarco: He was really mad at the Paradise PD!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yes! We know. It's because of them our meth sales have been plummeting!
Fitz: So to make it all up to you, we are going to have a PIZZA PARTY!
Russian Mobster: Yes Pizza Party! And I got to order the pizzas! We are going to get 1...2..3! Three Pizzas! HA HA HA!
Marcos Narcos: You both lashed out of everyone expect that girl you adopted.
Fitz: That's because Zeta has nothing to do with any of this.
Brett DeMarco: She's good. You're all bad.
Frank Flipperfist: That figures. There's always someone who is better and someone who is worse.
Fitz: Oh come on! That's not true at all. I only say some of you are better than others to motivate you.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah we don't favor Zeta over you guys.
Zeta: Daddy Fitz! Are we having a pizza party.
Fitz: Yes we are! And it should be here right about.....
A doorbell is heard. Brett DeMarco goes to answer it. On the other side of the door. There was a man who's in his mid 20's. With Reddish brown hair. A green leather jacket, blue jeans, and white sneakers. The name of the pizza delivery boy was Fred J. Phillips.
Fred: What up! Word! Pizza Delivery for a Gerald Fitzgerald.
Fitz rips the pizza boxes away from Fred.
Brett DeMarco: We'll be taking those.
Fred: Want to know what I always wanted to do? Go into space and explore other planets!
Brett DeMarco: (scoffs) Good luck with that!
Fred: Uhhh, don't I get a tip or something?
Brett DeMarco: No go!
Fred: Is it okay if I use your bathroom.
Brett DeMarco: Okay fine. First door to your left.
Fred: Thank you.
Brett DeMarco has the pizzas in his hands. Fred goes off to the bathroom.
Zeta: Let the pizza party begin!
Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos, Fitz, Zeta, Brett DeMarco, Frank Flipperfist, and Pedro Pooptooth all dig in and have a huge pig out on the Pizza Party. The song You Were The Last High by The Dandy Warhols begins to play as Fitz, Brett DeMarco, Zeta and all the other Legion of DOOOOOM members were having a fun time. Fred J. Phillips was done in the bathroom but the flusher was stuck. The toilet begins to overflow.
Fred: Oh snap! I can't deal with this now! I got more pizzas to deliver.
When the Pizza Party was done and the pizzas were all gone. Fitz, Zeta, Brett, Frank, Pedro, Russian Mobster, and Marcos Narcos were all laying around like they had been on a drug binge.
Russian Mobster: Guess how many pieces I've eaten? One....two....three.....four....five! Five pieces! HA HA HA!
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria I'm glad we had fun. But now we're fucking paying for it.
Fitz: This might be the pizza talking but, I love you all like brothers.
Zeta: You guys are so much fun to party with.
Brett DeMarco: We'll be feeling this for a while.
Frank Flipperfist: Way better party than those stupid teen movies like Can't Hardly Wait.
Pedro Pooptooth: We never had good pizza like this back home in Mexico, putos.
Fitz, Brett, Frank, Pedro, Marcos Narcos, and Zeta all fell asleep. In the bathroom. Fred was still fiddling around with the toilet.
Fred: Oooooohhhh! I'm sure not Walking on Sunshine! That's for sure. Why did this have to happen! A clogged toilet. Gotta fix it somehow....
The toilet exploded which woke everyone up.
Fitz: What the fuck was that.
Brett DeMarco: Oh son of a bitch! I forget that pizza delivery boy was using our bathroom.
Frank and Pedro see a tidal wave of toilet wave coming from the bathroom that was taking Fred J. Phillips with it.
Russian Mobster: Where did all that water come from? Why does that water smell like urine and shit?
Fitz: The bathroom no less!
Fred: NO! I'M DOESN'T!!! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!
Fitz: What the fuck did you do to my toilet!!
Brett DeMarco: Look this was my fault. He wanted to use....
Fitz: Not now, Brett. (to Fred): You broke it didn't you!
Fred: No, it was clogged. Then I tried to unclog it and...
Fitz: For that you ruined my pizza party!
Fred: I am so sorry. I'll make it up to you and....
Fitz: Brett, help me put this asswipe out of his misery. (pulls out a gun)
Brett DeMarco (gets a gun from his pocket): With pleasure.
Fitz and Brett both shoot Fred 10 times all over his body and his head. Fred was shot and killed execution style.
Frank Flipperfist: This reminds me something we used to say as kids, "This is a Man named Fred. Fred can spit on his head! And now he's dead!"
Pedro Pooptooth: You both shot the pizza delivery boy! What if someone traces it back to us!
Zeta: Daddy Fitz will fix everything.
Fitz: Zeta is right. You all need to have faith in your Kingpin leader.
Marcos Narcos: Should we bury the body in our backyard?
Brett DeMarco: We have a better idea in mind. (sees all the pizzas in the car)
Fitz: That man had a lot more pizzas to deliver. So what I'm thinking is. We can put meth in all the pizzas. That way "Fred" here will be a wanted man!
Pedro Pooptooth: That's genius, puto!
Russian Mobster: I counted the bullets you put into that ass! You guys put, 1..2..3..4...5..6..7...8...9...10! 10 bullets! HA HA HA HA HA!
Fitz: You guys all stay here. Me, Brett, and Zeta will deliver the pizzas.
Frank Flipperfist: OKay! We're tired anyway.
Pedro, Russian Mobster, and Marcos, and Frank all put meth in the pizzas that were delivered.
Brett DeMarco: Good job you all did your part.
Fitz: What I plan to do is, one of us will go inside the dead pizza delivery boy.
Zeta: I can do it, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: No, he's too heavy for you. Brett, you'll go inside Fred's clothes and walk around in his dead body and pretend to be him delivering the pizzas.
Brett DeMarco (salutes): As we said in the army. Sir yes sir!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta all head out of the car and take the dead body of Fred J. Phillips with them.
Zeta (reads the addresses): The next stop is the Battered Wives home, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: Thank you, Zeta. Tonight, we are going to pull a Weekend At Bernies! (laughs evilly)
Scenes 5-6 tomorrow!
Reply Reply All Forward
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
High School Hide
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
At the Paradise Court House. A jury has reached a verdict. Kevin and Randall were among the jurors. The defendant was a violent offender known as Butch Wallace. Whose crimes were serial rape, homicide, and bank robbery. Judge Judge asked the jurors about the fate of Butch Wallace. Also on jury duty was Hobo Cop.
Judge Judge: Has the jury reached the verdict?
Hobo Cop: Indeed we have your honor.
Randall (to himself): If this is a hung jury it'll be like 12 Angry Men.
Hobo Cop: We find the defendant Butch Wallace GUILTY on all counts of robbery, serial rape and homicide.
Butch Wallace hangs is head in shame as he learns his fate.
Kevin: Wow, Dad! Being on Jury Duty with you was so much fun!
Randall: I just did it for the money.
Judge Judge: Butch Wallace, this court finds you Guilty of all the crimes you have committed. You shall receive 100 life sentences without the possibility of parole. Case dismissed. (bangs gavel) Any questions.
Kevin rises his hand.
Randall: Kevin! Don't! You'll keep us in here longer.
Judge Judge (sees Kevin): Yes you. The ginger haired man who looks like a teenage Stan Laurel.
Kevin: Aren't you going to hang him?
Butch Wallace feels an intense rage inside of him. Begins to break up the courtroom over what Kevin asked. Everyone in the court was in a panic over what Kevin said.
Randall (trying to stop the panic): Settle down! This is court room! Not the woods!
Butch Wallace (to Randall and Kevin): Just for that! For saying that to me! You guys better watch yourselves. Because I will hunt you down and find you both!
Kevin: Uhhh, you are? But how?
Butch Wallace: I'm coming for you both. So you both better be ready! No matter where you run, or if you even try to hide. I..will search high and low until I turn your asshole inside out and shove them up your noses!
Randall and Kevin run out of the courtroom. As does the other jurors who were on jury duty. Including the balliffs and audience who came to see the trial. Randall and Kevin scramble to police car to drive away.
Kevin (sighs of relief): Glad to get out of that hellhole. It was like The Trial of The Chicago 7 in there!
Randall: Why don't you keep your mother fucking mouth shut?
Kevin: But, I didn't do anything!
Randall: Yes you did! You put us right on the spot!
Kevin: What exactly did I do?
Randall: Do you even have to ask? You had to open your big fat mouth and say (mocking Kevin): Aren't gonna hang him!
Kevin: We have the Death Penalty here in Georgia. I assumed he was going to get put to death for his crimes.
Randall: Now because of what you did, we're going to have to run far far away.
Kevin: Just because Butch Wallace said he was going to hunt us down doesn't mean he's going to do it.
Randall: You can't be too sure these days. Didn't you see the way he destroyed that courtroom? Of course he's going to come after us.
Kevin: Since you say we'll have to run away. Where are we going to go?
Randall: In this case, Anywhere But Here!
Kevin: You mean LA? Say, I know! You can be the happy carefree mother and I'll be the snobby daughter who wants to go to Ivy League!
Randall: That's not what I meant! Let's just go back to headquarters and tell everyone the bad news.
Kevin drives the police car back to the Paradise PD Police Headquarters Building. Butch Wallace was watching them.
Butch Wallace: Where ever they go. I will follow. (holding a severed head of a balliff) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAA!
Scene 2:
Randall was in the conference room of the Paradise PD Police Headquarters.
Bullet: Hey, Randall. How did it go on Jury Duty?
Dusty: From the looks of things, not too good.
Stanley: I remember my first jury duty. I shoved a shoe up Khrushchev's ass!
Gina: Is Butch Wallace going to experience a life sentence of sodomy?
Kevin: I'm afraid not. You see, after he heard his sentence. He caused a ruckus in the courtroom. Destroyed everything in sight. Now he's threatened to end our lives and...
Randall: Why don't you tell them the truth, Kevin? How exactly why did Butch Wallace break up the courtroom.
Bullet: Uhh, don't tell me. Randall asked if he could execute him.
Randall: Nothing of that kind. Kevin asked if Butch Wallace was going to be executed for his crimes. So now because of Kevin. We're going to have to hide somewhere!
Gina: Oh fuck! Why don't you just fire that twat waffle son of yours.
Dusty: Is this going to be a Witness Protection thing?
Stanley: I know a good place to hide. James Cagney's fireplace.
Kevin: Look, Butch Wallace was annoyed with what I said. And for that, I'm sorry. But we don't have to take this seriously.
Randall: Yes we do! We're hiding away someplace.
Kevin: You should be mad at Butch Wallace not me.
Randall: I'm mad at both of you!
Bullet: I got a place. That arena where I go to do Dog Cock Fights.
Randall: No! People know us there. It has to be a place where nobody knows us.
Gina: You're right, Randall. A place where we can blend in.
Dusty: Where do you suggest, you're the chief you oughta know.
Randall: I got it. Now that Dean Hancock is in prison. We can go to Diamond City.
Kevin: Yes but where in Diamond City? Maybe the Costco?
Dusty: Hope it is the Costco! Maybe we can hunt for aliens like in The Watch!
Randall: NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! (pounding his fists on his desk).
Gina: There's a roller rink there. Maybe we can pretend we're a Roller Derby team.
Randall: Out of the question. I thought of somewhere.
Dusty: It's not the fat camp they have there is it?
Gina: Oh come on, Dusty! Do you think I'd let that happen!
Randall: No. People, we are going to school!
Stanley: School? Say, while we're there. Can I be The Prom Queen?
Randall: We are going to High School. We'll hide away there.
Kevin: How long will it take, Dad?
Randall: Until Butch Wallace forgets you asked Judge Judge if he was going to get hung!
Dusty: HA! Like that's going to happen! As they always say, nobody forgets someone with red hair!
Bullet: High school! Yes! Can't wait to fuck around with cheerleaders! I'm a teenager in dog years anyway!
Randall, Gina, Stanley, Bullet, Dusty, and Kevin all went inside individual police cars to drive to Diamond City High School.
Dusty: High school......oooohhh. I hope I don't get fat shamed there.
Scene 3:
Randall, Stanley, Gina, Kevin, Dusty and Bullet enter the hallways of Diamond City High School. All over there were plaques of football, baseball, and basketball awards. There were banners all around that read, "HOME OF THE CHEETAHS!" The hallways were empty because all the teachers and students were in their classrooms. The school was soon heading into it's lunch break.
Kevin: Never thought the halls would be so empty.
Bullet: High schools are a morgue before lunch.
Gina: You know. This is my chance to experience high school. I never attended any type of school when I was in the coma.
Stanley: Nobody will let me be a Homecoming Queen, so I guess I'll be a janitor!
A janitor comes out of the closet and Gina runs up to him and breaks his neck and shoves a mop into his anus.
Gina: Now here's your chance.
Stanley: All right! Thank you, Gina! (runs to the janitor's closet)
Dusty: Oooh! High school! Oh how I hated it! Everyone bullied and used me and pretended to be my friend.
Randall: Seems as though everyone is in class and....
The bell rang for the lunch hour. All the students and teachers get out of their classrooms and head to the cafeteria.
Kevin: Look how we disappear into the crowd Dad! There's no way Butch Wallace will ever find us now.
Randall: Okay here's the deal. We all will go into the cafeteria and pretend to be students. Each and every one of you go find a group of losers to hang out with. Understood?
Dusty: What if one of us doesn't find a crowd to hang out with!
Kevin: Yeah, Dusty's right. Then what?
Randall: That's your problem not mine! You can't expect to become like Jeff Spicoli in one day!
Kevin, Dusty, Gina, and Bullet all go and find a place to sit for lunch.
Randall: One more thing! Don't tell anyone here about hiding away from Butch Wallace!
Kevin: Right, Dad!
Bullet: Hmmm, wonder where the cheerleaders sit?
Dusty: Everyone is staring at me. Deja Vu!
Kevin: I had a miserable time in high school myself! Once word got out that I shot my Dad's testicles. Everyone kept chanting, 'Ball Breaker Ball Breaker! Never join the LA Lakers.' Never got over it.
Dusty: I never got over being bullied for being the fattest kid in school!
Gina: Quit whining you pussies! If anyone tries to bully you, leave them to me!
A secretary spots Randall.
Secretary: Excuse me, sir?
Randall: You talking to me?
Secretary: Yes, our principal unexpectedly quit on us. We at the School Counsel were hoping that you would fill in until we can find a permanent replacement.
Randall: Would I ever?! Yes! I'll do it! Not only do I get to be police chief, I get to be a High School Principal!
Secretary: That's the spirit! Or should we say, that's the "school spirit!" (laughs)
Kevin found a bunch of students to hang out with, as did Gina, and Bullet found the cheerleader table.
Cheerleader #1: A dog?
Cheerleader #2: They allow dogs in school now?
Bullet: Yes, I am a dog. Thanks for noticing.
Cheerleader #3: You a new student?
Bullet: Do you guys have a mascot?
Cheerleader #4: Actually no. We have a cheetah for the football team.
Cheerleader #5: But none for the basketball team.
Bullet: Well, look no further! I'll be your Basketball Team mascot! However it comes with a price! If you get my drift!
Cheerleader #2: What do you want us to do?
Cheerleader #3: It better not be what we think it is...
Bullet: No, just bring me a keg is all!
Cheerleader #4: Cool! You're in!
Kevin was at a table with geeks. Gina was at a table with a wrestling team. Dusty still could not find a place to sit.
Dusty: Aaaaaw, everyone already has friends expect me. Story of my miserable life.
Kevin: So, you guys. What do you do for fun here?
The Chess Club members were named Chad, Sean, Albert, and Eddie.
Chad: We play chess.
Kevin: You do hey? Think you can teach me?
Sean: Sure we can!
Albert: We're actually a losing Chess team
Chad: Sad but true. We were looking for another member to bring us back to the top again.
Kevin: Okay! You found him! (laughs nervously)
Gina: You guys a wrestling team?
The wrestling team all nodded in unison.
Gina: Would you consider letting a girl join your team?
The wrestling team once more nodded in unison.
Gina: Don't talk to much do you?
Wrestling Member #1: Sure you can join.
Wrestling Member #2: In fact, after school there's a Wrestling Tournament.
Gina: Who are you going up against?
Wrestling Member #3: Our rivals from Paradise High School.
Gina: Let everything to me. I'll bring your team to victory! I know the tricks of the trade when it comes to fighting!
Dusty is spotted by a bunch of jocks. Suddenly the song I'm A Man by Chicago begins to play. Everyone from students, teachers, and even Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina had their eyes on what was going on. Randall appeared in the middle of the cafeteria.
Randall (dancing around): Guess what assholes! Say hello to your new temporary Principal! ME! RANDALL CRAWFORD! THAT'S WHO! Come join me in song and dance!
Sean: Who the fuck is he?
Then Kevin soon remembered that they were on the run from Butch Wallace.
Kevin: Uhh, never seen him before in my life! heh heh!
Outside the Diamond City High school. Butch Wallace had Kevin and Randall in his sights.
Butch Wallace: Tonight! Those two cock fuckers are going to DIE!
Scene 4:
At the Dippin Dots building. Gerald Fitzgerald and Brett DeMarco were holding another meeting in the conference room.
Fitz: I just want to say everyone. I am sorry that I got mad at all of you this week.
Brett DeMarco: What exactly was the reason?
Frank Flipperfist: Think nothing of it.
Russian Mobster: We knew you really weren't mad at us.
Brett DeMarco: He was really mad at the Paradise PD!
Pedro Pooptooth: Yes! We know. It's because of them our meth sales have been plummeting!
Fitz: So to make it all up to you, we are going to have a PIZZA PARTY!
Russian Mobster: Yes Pizza Party! And I got to order the pizzas! We are going to get 1...2..3! Three Pizzas! HA HA HA!
Marcos Narcos: You both lashed out of everyone expect that girl you adopted.
Fitz: That's because Zeta has nothing to do with any of this.
Brett DeMarco: She's good. You're all bad.
Frank Flipperfist: That figures. There's always someone who is better and someone who is worse.
Fitz: Oh come on! That's not true at all. I only say some of you are better than others to motivate you.
Brett DeMarco: Yeah we don't favor Zeta over you guys.
Zeta: Daddy Fitz! Are we having a pizza party.
Fitz: Yes we are! And it should be here right about.....
A doorbell is heard. Brett DeMarco goes to answer it. On the other side of the door. There was a man who's in his mid 20's. With Reddish brown hair. A green leather jacket, blue jeans, and white sneakers. The name of the pizza delivery boy was Fred J. Phillips.
Fred: What up! Word! Pizza Delivery for a Gerald Fitzgerald.
Fitz rips the pizza boxes away from Fred.
Brett DeMarco: We'll be taking those.
Fred: Want to know what I always wanted to do? Go into space and explore other planets!
Brett DeMarco: (scoffs) Good luck with that!
Fred: Uhhh, don't I get a tip or something?
Brett DeMarco: No go!
Fred: Is it okay if I use your bathroom.
Brett DeMarco: Okay fine. First door to your left.
Fred: Thank you.
Brett DeMarco has the pizzas in his hands. Fred goes off to the bathroom.
Zeta: Let the pizza party begin!
Russian Mobster, Marcos Narcos, Fitz, Zeta, Brett DeMarco, Frank Flipperfist, and Pedro Pooptooth all dig in and have a huge pig out on the Pizza Party. The song You Were The Last High by The Dandy Warhols begins to play as Fitz, Brett DeMarco, Zeta and all the other Legion of DOOOOOM members were having a fun time. Fred J. Phillips was done in the bathroom but the flusher was stuck. The toilet begins to overflow.
Fred: Oh snap! I can't deal with this now! I got more pizzas to deliver.
When the Pizza Party was done and the pizzas were all gone. Fitz, Zeta, Brett, Frank, Pedro, Russian Mobster, and Marcos Narcos were all laying around like they had been on a drug binge.
Russian Mobster: Guess how many pieces I've eaten? One....two....three.....four....five! Five pieces! HA HA HA!
Marcos Narcos: Santa Maria I'm glad we had fun. But now we're fucking paying for it.
Fitz: This might be the pizza talking but, I love you all like brothers.
Zeta: You guys are so much fun to party with.
Brett DeMarco: We'll be feeling this for a while.
Frank Flipperfist: Way better party than those stupid teen movies like Can't Hardly Wait.
Pedro Pooptooth: We never had good pizza like this back home in Mexico, putos.
Fitz, Brett, Frank, Pedro, Marcos Narcos, and Zeta all fell asleep. In the bathroom. Fred was still fiddling around with the toilet.
Fred: Oooooohhhh! I'm sure not Walking on Sunshine! That's for sure. Why did this have to happen! A clogged toilet. Gotta fix it somehow....
The toilet exploded which woke everyone up.
Fitz: What the fuck was that.
Brett DeMarco: Oh son of a bitch! I forget that pizza delivery boy was using our bathroom.
Frank and Pedro see a tidal wave of toilet wave coming from the bathroom that was taking Fred J. Phillips with it.
Russian Mobster: Where did all that water come from? Why does that water smell like urine and shit?
Fitz: The bathroom no less!
Fred: NO! I'M DOESN'T!!! SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY!!!!
Fitz: What the fuck did you do to my toilet!!
Brett DeMarco: Look this was my fault. He wanted to use....
Fitz: Not now, Brett. (to Fred): You broke it didn't you!
Fred: No, it was clogged. Then I tried to unclog it and...
Fitz: For that you ruined my pizza party!
Fred: I am so sorry. I'll make it up to you and....
Fitz: Brett, help me put this asswipe out of his misery. (pulls out a gun)
Brett DeMarco (gets a gun from his pocket): With pleasure.
Fitz and Brett both shoot Fred 10 times all over his body and his head. Fred was shot and killed execution style.
Frank Flipperfist: This reminds me something we used to say as kids, "This is a Man named Fred. Fred can spit on his head! And now he's dead!"
Pedro Pooptooth: You both shot the pizza delivery boy! What if someone traces it back to us!
Zeta: Daddy Fitz will fix everything.
Fitz: Zeta is right. You all need to have faith in your Kingpin leader.
Marcos Narcos: Should we bury the body in our backyard?
Brett DeMarco: We have a better idea in mind. (sees all the pizzas in the car)
Fitz: That man had a lot more pizzas to deliver. So what I'm thinking is. We can put meth in all the pizzas. That way "Fred" here will be a wanted man!
Pedro Pooptooth: That's genius, puto!
Russian Mobster: I counted the bullets you put into that ass! You guys put, 1..2..3..4...5..6..7...8...9...10! 10 bullets! HA HA HA HA HA!
Fitz: You guys all stay here. Me, Brett, and Zeta will deliver the pizzas.
Frank Flipperfist: OKay! We're tired anyway.
Pedro, Russian Mobster, and Marcos, and Frank all put meth in the pizzas that were delivered.
Brett DeMarco: Good job you all did your part.
Fitz: What I plan to do is, one of us will go inside the dead pizza delivery boy.
Zeta: I can do it, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: No, he's too heavy for you. Brett, you'll go inside Fred's clothes and walk around in his dead body and pretend to be him delivering the pizzas.
Brett DeMarco (salutes): As we said in the army. Sir yes sir!
Fitz, Brett, and Zeta all head out of the car and take the dead body of Fred J. Phillips with them.
Zeta (reads the addresses): The next stop is the Battered Wives home, Daddy Fitz.
Fitz: Thank you, Zeta. Tonight, we are going to pull a Weekend At Bernies! (laughs evilly)
Scenes 5-6 tomorrow!
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