Post by Kurtpikachu2001 on Aug 30, 2022 18:13:25 GMT
Synopsis: When Dusty Marlowe fails a police mission. He is fired from the Paradise PD. Dusty then finds employment at a comic book store where he becomes consumed with power. Fitz and Brett DeMarco plan a Labor Day Barbeque.
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
Black Hole Smoke
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
At a farmfield outside of Paradise. Robbie and Delbert were joyriding on a tractor. Dusty was in a police car chasing them around.
Robbie (sips a beer): YYYAAAHHHHOOOOO! This is awesome, isn't it, Delbert!
Delbert (sips a beer): YYYYAAAAAAHHHHHOOOOO! You know it is, Robbie! Better than any elephant!
Robbie: I'm glad we watched Steve McQueen's last movie Hunter!
Delbert: Steve McQueen is a great inspiration!
Ruining the farmfield on the tractor, Dusty driving a police car demands that they stop.
Dusty (over megaphone): Freeze! Paradise PD! Pull over! You're under arrest!
Robbie: Yeah, like we're gonna listen to him!
Delbert: Speed up this shit, already!
The chase goes on. The tractor goes faster. Dusty honks his horn which makes Robbie and Delbert laugh at him. In the back, Delbert finds some dynamite sticks.
Robbie: Holy fuck, Delbert! Are those dynamite sticks?!
Delbert: Yeah they are, they're even from the ACME corporation!
Dusty: Hey! I'm serious here.....stop in the name of the law! Don't you know that stop in the name of the law, means?! ANOTHER THING, YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO WEAR WHITE AFTER LABOR DAY!
Robbie and Delbert light up the dynamite sticks and throw them at Dusty's police car that bounce on his windshield.
Dusty: OOHH! Jesus Fucking Christ!
Robbie and Delbert soon get the upper hand when one of the dynamite sticks they throw landed on the thrust pipe on Dusty's police car that explodes. Dusty flies into the air. Robbie and Delbert laugh and high five each other.
Dusty: I'll get you next time you dumb shit hicks!
Landing on a phone booth after flying in the air, Dusty gets up. His fat consumed the phone booth as he is stuck inside.
Dusty: Dusty Marlowe may have failed, this looks like a job for......(whistles fanfare) PHONE BOOTH MAN!
Running in the cornfields wearing a phone booth, Dusty tries to catch up but easily gets out of breath due to his morbid obesity.
Robbie: HAHAHAHA! What does he think he is?
Delbert: A superhero of some sort!
Robbie: What the hell kind of sumbitch superhero is THAT?
Delbert: Dunno, Robbie, probably Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid when he dressed like a shower!
Dusty: Now you guys won't get away with what you're doing! PHONE BOOTH MAN is here and....
Robbie (throws dynamite stick): AHHHH! SHUT UP!
Delbert: We win again! Hicks 1 Dusty 0!
The dynamite stick lands on Dusty making him fly into the air again. The phone booth was now off his body. Dusty landed in his police car. Randall calls him on the police radio.
Randall (over radio): GODDAMMIT DUSTY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU ALREADY?! PICK UP AT ONCE!
Scene 2:
Later on, Dusty reported back to Paradise PD Headquarters to face Randall's wrath.
Randall: DUSTY YOU ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU LET ROBBIE AND DELBERT GET THE BETTER OF YOU?!
Dusty: It's not my fault, Randall that they had a tractor!
Randall: Tractors are slow! You could've stopped it so easy!
Gina: Yeah, what chance does a tractor have against a police car?
Kevin: Come on, Dad. Don't you think you're being a little too hard on Dusty?
Stanley: He's hard on everyone! You all should be used to it by now. I was hard on Robert Montgomery in Lady Of The Lake.
Bullet: I'm on Randall's side, here Dusty. What in the fuck made you fail with tractor theft?
Dusty: Apparently, Robbie and Delbert had dynamite sticks and threw them at me. That's what did me in.
Randall: DYNAMITE STICKS?!?! You were trained to avoid, throw them back and deactivate them!
Dusty: Look I'm sorry it won't happen again, honest!
Randall: Oh my gosh I need to sit down.
Kevin: You are sitting down, Dad!
Randall: Oh yes that's correct I am sitting down. For once you're right Kevin.
Kevin: Why thank you, Dad! (rapping) That's me! Kevin C! Keepin It Good In The Hood!
Randall: Don't distract me, Kevin! I'm trying to get an idea for Dusty! I got one! Dusty! YOU! Need to sit down!
Pressing a button, a couch comes down from a platform. It was the same couch Dusty was almost executed Dusty sits on the couch.
Dusty: This brings back an unpleasant memory. I'm sitting down, now what?
Randall (presses another button): THIS!
The couch sends Dusty sailing out of the enterance to the Paradise PD Police Headquarters.
Dusty: WHY DO I KEEP FLYING AWAY? THIS IS GETTING TO BE A TIRESOME RUNNING GAG!
Gina: What the fuck did you do with him?
Randall: I banished him! Any more questions, comments, or remarks about what I did, you'll all be next!
Bullet: Guess that means I'll stay out of the Evidence Room.
Scene 3:
Loitering on the streets of Paradise. Dusty was out of a job. Walking around trying to find work, Dusty came up short. No stores or businesses were hiring.
Dusty (to people passing by): Change? Change? Change?
People were walking by Dusty and ignoring him. Dusty was saddened.
Dusty: Where am I going to find another job now? Police work is all I know!
More people walk by Dusty and didn't notice him. That was until Hobo Cop spotted him.
Hobo Cop: You too, hey?
Dusty: Hobo Cop! Did you come here to ask for change yourself?
Hobo Cop: Last time I asked for change was when Obama was running. Boy did we homeless people get it or what! If you catch my drift.
Dusty: Never been jobless or homeless before. Just trying to look for another job.
Hobo Cop: Know what? I'm kind of sick of being a hobo. I'm looking for a job myself.
Dusty: If only we can find one....
Hobo Cop (points): How about that Comic Book store? It's called Paradise Comics!
Dusty looks at the Comic Book Store. To their luck, there was a sign outside that reads HELP WANTED.
Hobo Cop: So? Want to try it out?
Dusty: Do I ever! I used to collect all sort of Harvey Comics when I was a kid!
Hobo Cop: Look at us now, a couple of failed cops working at a Comic Book store!
Dusty: Oh boy! It's going to be fun to work at Paradise Comics! I've been collecting Vampire Boy Band comic books!
Hobo Cop: What the fuck is Vampire Boy Band?
Dusty: It's my new favorite show on Disney Plus next to Wall Eyed Wally.
Now full of hope, Dusty and Hobo Cop apply for a job at Paradise Comics. Meanwhile the Paradise PD go on fighting crimes without Dusty.
Up next: Fitz forces Brett and the Legion of DOOOOM members to prepare for their yearly annual Labor Day barbeque. The Paradise PD crack some cases without Dusty. Then realize they miss him. Hobo Cop and Dusty start their news jobs at Paradise Comics.